Humans have been wondering, “Are soulmates real?” since at least the time of Plato. In fact, Plato introduced the first reference to something like a soulmate in his Symposium, where he wrote: “Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole…and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him.” 

The idea of soulmates is deeply ingrained in humanity, yet answering the question “What’s a soulmate?” remains subjective and challenging – and finding one is even more so.

So do soulmates exist? And how can you find yours? The answers aren’t always easy, but if you’re willing to work on yourself, you can find your “matching half.”

How to get ready to meet your soulmate?


According to Merriam-Webster, a soulmate is “a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament.” That’s a decent summary, but it doesn’t delve into the deep connections that soulmates share. 

A soulmate is someone who completely understands you and loves you unconditionally. It’s a meeting of minds and an undeniable connection. It’s the person you can be your true self with and never worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. A soulmate relationship is one of total trust, respect, forgiveness and contribution. Many people spend their lives wondering, “Are soulmates real?” When you find yours, you’ll know. 

The soulmate connection isn’t temporary. It goes beyond initial chemistry and “love at first sight.” To create lasting passion takes commitment and work – and it’s when you are past the honeymoon stage that you will really learn the answer to the question, “What’s a soulmate?” Your real soulmate is a life partner, willing to fight for your relationship through all of life’s ups and downs. It’s an extraordinary relationship that takes time, passion and dedication.


That depends on who you ask. For 56% of Americans, the answer to “Are soulmates real?” is a resounding “yes.” Nearly 20% aren’t sure, and a quarter say they don’t exist. Science isn’t particularly helpful here either. It’s difficult to even answer “What’s a soulmate?” with a concrete definition, and science is notoriously bad at explaining metaphysical questions.


The truth is that it’s not important whether soulmates are real or not. What really matters is whether you believe soulmates are real. Your beliefs create your world – and if you believe that soulmates are real, that will affect how you go about looking for love, building relationships and more.


You won’t find your soulmate by constantly looking for “the one,” creating a long list of attributes and interrogating your dates. Your energy is better spent finding personal fulfillment, experiencing new things and learning from your past mistakes so that when your soulmate does appear, you’ll be in the right place to create a healthy relationship.


Where focus goes, energy flows. When we focus on things outside of our control, that energy is wasted – and we might even end up anxious or depressed. Instead of asking questions like “Do soulmates exist?,” focus on what you can control: Learn from your past romantic mistakes. Put yourself in situations where you’ll have an opportunity to meet new people and make new connections, while also building your own happiness.


Before you can answer “What’s a soulmate?” you need to be able to answer a much more essential question: Who am I? How can I create my ideal relationship? Only when you know yourself and what you’re truly looking for can you stop playing romantic roulette and build a soulmate relationship. Take time to determine your values. Learn about your top human need that drives your decisions. Take Tony’s DISC assessment to better understand your personality.


We’ve all heard variations of the saying, “If you’re not happy single, you won’t be happy in a relationship.” If you believe you need to be in a relationship to be happy, you will bring negative energy to all of your dates and end up entering relationships filled with stressors. To create a soulmate relationship, you must start with yourself.


The law of attraction is the idea that, as Tony says, “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” In other words, we attract what we focus on. The law of attraction is how we can manifest what we want by focusing on the good in life – and what’s a soulmate if not someone brought to you by the universe, seemingly out of nowhere?


Are soulmates real? If they are, how do you know when you’ve found yours? The signs can range from the “clap of thunder” realization to more subtle hints. 

Your gut tells you. “When you know, you know” seems like a cliché, but in the case of soulmates, it tends to be true. Listen to your intuition when you feel that connection.

You have physical chemistry. This doesn’t have to be sexual. Holding your soulmate’s hand or cuddling on the couch will send sparks flying, even when you’ve been together for years.

You didn’t have an awkward phase. Have you ever met someone and felt instantly comfortable around them? That’s a telltale sign of a soulmate.

  • You’re on the same page. No partners agree on everything all the time – but soulmates are on the same page about their values and big decisions.
  • You feel confident and calm. If you feel jealousy, anger, anxiety or fear when you’re with your partner, that’s not a soulmate. A true soulmate makes you feel safe, calm and understood.
  • Your challenges make you stronger. No relationship is without struggles. With your soulmate, challenges will make you stronger instead of dividing you, because they are willing to work through them.

Ultimately the answer to the question “What’s a soulmate?” is deeply personal. It can take a lifetime to unlock what a soulmate is to you. When you find that deep connection, you won’t want to let it go.


Filter these signs through your intuition to get a feel for if your current soulmate is thinking of you or if the universe is manifesting a soulmate to come into your life soon.

Trust your dreams and your feelings so that you can be receptive when the right one comes along and remember that if you think about your soulmate, you’re not giving the universe a shopping list of traits, you’re looking for someone who will be a good match!