While Everyone Else Was Getting Married I Learned These 7 Things

Women who are single for longer periods of time end up being happier with themselves, their lives and their relationships, and by default, in their marriages.

They have the time to see things with more clarity; things which people around them do that they would do differently given the same situation.

They learn from other people’s mistakes as well as from their own, and they lead more productive lives. They have had the chance to really get to know themselves and take some valuable lessons along with them.

I speak from experience. I once was one of those “forever single women”. We really do thrive in life and love. And it’s mostly because of things that we have learned while everyone else was getting married:

The single life has its perks, but it can also get really lonely. It’s easy to fall into the trap of settling for just anybody because of it. Our desire for closeness and connection can be really strong.

But we should wait and look at things more rationally. It’s better to be alone than in bad company. It’s better to live in peace than taking a ride on an emotional rollercoaster.

We shouldn’t settle for mediocre relationships and half-assed commitment just because we are tired of being alone. We will only make everything worse and essentially hurt more in the long run.

Meeting a good, decent guy these days is like hitting the jackpot. Those guys have become so rare that it’s almost like they are an endangered species.

In my colorful dating life, I met so many guys that were not worth my time. They wasted my time, they strung me along, and at times, they made me want to give up dating altogether.

However, they also taught me valuable lessons. They taught me what I don’t want and what I shouldn’t tolerate. They taught me I should wait for something better than them.

See also: I Hate Waiting…That’s Why I Suck At Modern Dating

If you get married and you are not happy with who you are, you are bound to be miserable. I saw this scenario play itself out more times than I can count.

I guess some women think that a stable relationship or marriage will make them complete. So they forget about themselves. They leave their dreams and ambitions aside.

Fulfilling your dreams and being in a happy relationship shouldn’t exclude one another. There is room for both, and you should never, under no circumstances, give up your dreams.

Relationships come and go, marriages sometimes fall apart, but true friends are with you forever. Having a few good friends in your life is priceless.

They will be by your side through thick or thin. You are each other’s rocks and support systems, and you can’t find that in just anybody. Great friends better each other’s lives.

Even if your friends get married before you do, you won’t lose them. They remain a huge part of your life, with a few minor adjustments and accommodations. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

Learning to put a smile on your own face should be one of your first life goals. You can’t rely on anybody else to bring you happiness—nor is that their job. That’s all in your hands.

People whose only source of joy in life is their partner become codependent. They rely on their partner for everything, and the relationship becomes unhealthy. Sooner or later, these kinds of relationships end.

So, build your life independently of your partner. Let him be the one who adds to your bliss, not the one who creates it. That’s the only way you will have a happy and healthy relationship and marriage.

I think most of us are guilty of silencing that little voice inside of us when it’s telling us something we don’t want to hear. We go against our better judgment, and we usually end up in tears.

We all need to pay better attention to that little voice inside of us and trust our guts—they usually never fail.

Start with yourself. Build your confidence. Find something that you are passionate about, and begin building a life you are proud of.

Getting married or entering a relationship won’t change the fact that you are unsatisfied with your life or with yourself. It will only make things worse.

If your outlook on marriage is that it is meant to solve your problems, you will find out soon enough that isn’t true. You will only become more bitter and unsatisfied because you won’t see your way out.