How to get him back

15 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Testing You (+How To Handle It)


Why is your ex still in your life with no intention of leaving? Are they playing with your mind on purpose, or are they contemplating the idea of getting back together with you?

There is a thin line between these two things. It’s pretty difficult to distinguish between a toxic person who is toying with you and someone trying to decide whether your relationship deserves a retake.

So, what is the difference? What are the signs your ex is testing you?

Don’t worry, honey, I got you covered. Check out these clues and see for yourself!

Signs Your Ex Is Testing You

Is my ex testing me? If you can relate to all or most of these behavior patterns, they definitely are!

1. Trying to make you jealous

mindful woman sitting on sofa with mobile phone in hand

One of the first signs your ex is testing you is if they do their best to make you jealous. I know what you must be thinking right now: But they’re happy in a new relationship?

Let me tell you something right away: this is nothing but a huge lie. Trust me, if they’re really in love, they wouldn’t care if you were updated about it or not.

However, what does your ex do? They put all of their energy into making sure you find out about their alleged happiness.

If they run into your best friend, they’ll tell them everything about their new romance. They keep on posting new selfies all over their social media platforms, waiting for your reaction.

One thing is for sure: your ex wants you back; otherwise, they wouldn’t be doing all of this in the first place. They’re clearly in a rebound relationship since they haven’t gotten over you just yet.

If you show them jealousy, it will be a sign that you still care. A sign that they’re safe to ditch this new person and make a move on you.

2. Digging through the past

Let’s face it – you two broke up for a reason. Well, if your ex is a mature person, they’ll want to get rid of this emotional baggage before renewing your relationship.

Sometimes, it seems like they’re digging through the past without an actual purpose or just to break your heart even more. Trust me, one of the common reasons behind this kind of behavior is that they’re setting the record straight before giving your romance a second chance.

Your ex will come back once they’re sure that you’re both over everything that has happened, and it’s your job to show them that you’re now a changed person.

After all, what’s the point of getting back together if you keep on going back to the hard times you had in the past? Now is the time to show them that you’re perfectly aware of your mistakes and that you don’t plan on repeating them.

Of course, this kind of behavior can be a sign that your ex is only looking for closure. In that case, they wouldn’t show all the other signs from this list!

3. Trying to sleep with you

smiling couple talking on a coffee date

Here’s a tough one. You and your ex are on good terms, but lately, they’ve been acting differently. You can see through it, though – they’re trying to get you into bed.

I have to admit – this is a tricky decision. On the one hand, you can see it as a sign your ex misses you and wants to get back together.

But at the same time, it can also be a trap. What if they plan on using you and never calling you again?

If I were you, I’d see this as one of the signs your ex is testing you. They’re trying to understand if they can have you whenever they feel like it and if you’ll give them everything they’re looking for.

It’s one thing if you’re only after physical pleasure. But here’s some relationship advice if your final goal is reconciliation: don’t do it, especially if they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Every relationship expert will tell you pretty much the same thing: make it clear that they can’t only get parts of you. You’re a whole package, and your body doesn’t come without any strings attached.

4. Going no contact

The no contact rule – the universal way to make an ex miss you. Your ex pretends to be over you and disappears from your life just to give you a chance to feel their absence.

They clearly need validation from you. Trust me, they’re sitting at home, patiently waiting for you to make a move and reach out to them.

If they follow the no contact rule strictly, they won’t contact you first, even if their life depends on it. On the contrary, they’re waiting to see if you’ll do anything about it.

This person probably feels like you take them for granted. Maybe you assume that they’ll always be around no matter what happens, and they’re trying to prove you otherwise.

Will you reach out? Or will you wait for the no-contact rule to expire? It all depends on you!

5. Deep, personal questions

smiling man texting

Your ex has been calling and texting with seemingly weird questions lately. They’re tackling topics they’ve never dealt with before.

Well, have you ever considered that your ex testing you is actually a way for them to get to know you all over again? This is especially true if you two broke up a while ago.

They want to know where you stand on some important issues. Have you changed your mind on certain things that bothered them in the past?

Here’s some great news: it’s possible they’ve realized you’re marriage material, so that’s why they’re testing the waters. They still have feelings for you – there is no doubt about that.

However, they want to make sure you’re compatible as well. They’re asking you all these deep personal questions to check your attitude towards things that matter to them.

6. Hot and cold games

I know we all hate mind games You don’t know where you stand, and you have no idea what might happen tomorrow. Your ex is anything but consistent when it comes to how they treat you.

One day, they act like they’d die to get back together with you. To be exact, it sometimes seems like nothing has changed, and it’s as if you’re just continuing where you left off.

But then we have the other side of this hot and cold story. There are times when your ex is nowhere to be found.

All of a sudden, they stop returning your texts and calls, and they don’t ask to meet up. They no longer text you or check in, and even your mutual friends don’t know what’s gotten into them.

And just when you make peace with the fact that they’re out of the picture for good, they make a great comeback! Before you know it, you’re back to square one, and the cycle begins all over again.

Is this one of the signs your ex is testing you? Definitely yes!

But please be careful, as this might not be the kind of test you’re hoping to get from them. It’s possible that they’re actually just trying to see how far they can go without you walking away for good.

7. The loyalty test

worried woman texting on phone in the living room

Every relationship coach will tell you the same thing: if your ex wants to get back together, they’ll expect you to remain loyal during the breakup. When I mention loyalty, I’m not talking about staying faithful.

Of course, they’ll be hurt if they find out you had a new relationship in the meantime. However, loyalty is much more important than this.

Your ex will check if they still can count on you. Did you violate their trust even though you were apart?

Did you do something considered off-limits, like dating a mutual friend? Did you badmouth your ex and your entire relationship after the breakup?

They might talk to you about these things directly, or they might ask around. Either way, if you pass the loyalty test, you’ll likely get back together.

8. Using social media platforms

Let’s face it: your ex keeps on low-key stalking you. They’re not some kind of a psychopath who follows you around and stares through your windows at night. However, they use modern-day methods to keep track of your activities.

Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about social media. They never miss your story updates, and they like all of your posts and go through your follower list on a regular basis.

Of course, there is also a different group of exes who only lurk in the background. You are still friends on social media, but they pretend like you don’t exist.

Either type of behavior is a kind of test. First of all, they’re probably waiting for your reaction.

Will you be the first to slide into their DMs? Will you like their posts back and continue this little game?

And of course, will you post anything fishy? Will they find any signs of a new girlfriend or boyfriend?

9. Giving you the power

sad woman sitting in the living room and thinking

One of the signs your ex is testing you is related to the fact that they give you the chance to make a decision. They state their intentions clearly, but the power is in your hands.

They clearly want to see if you’ve grown since your breakup. How do you plan on making this happen?

Will you even move towards reconciliation? If the answer is yes, how will you resolve your issues? Clearly, you have some; otherwise, you’d still be together.

Do you plan on taking things slowly, or do you want to continue with your relationship as if nothing happened?

You’re in charge, so plan every step and think things through before acting on them!

10. The success test

It’s when a relationship ends that you start to see your ex-partner more clearly. Well, that’s exactly what your ex has been doing during this time you two are apart.

They know that you’ve reached a crossroads: you’ll either break things off forever or turn this into a long-term relationship or even marriage.

They might not have seen your financial status and career as a big deal when you were together, but now, they want to see if anything has changed.

I’ll be honest with you: this is something women do more than men. But you can’t say: “My ex-girlfriend is a gold-digger” just because she puts you through a success test.

Basically, she’s checking whether you’ve moved from a dead spot. Did you find a better job or get a raise? Are you now more motivated to make something out of your life?

This doesn’t mean she’s only interested in your money. She just wants a financially stable man by her side, a man she can plan her future with.

11. Testing your boundaries

young blond woman thinking outdoor

Sometimes, your ex keeps on doing different bad things to you. They know you still love them, and they’re not testing to see if you’ll take them back – they’re testing your boundaries to see how much you can take.

They’ll be seeing other men and women without even trying to hide it. They’re disrespecting you in different ways and treat you like garbage.

But at the same time, they stop you from leaving every time you try to walk away. One would think they want nothing to do with you, but they stay by your side despite putting you through hell.

At some point, this person will want to get back together with you – there is no doubt about that. But until that happens, they want to break you completely.

Basically, they’re lowering your standards. Before you know it, you’ll settle for these breadcrumbs they’ve been tossing away at you.

So, you won’t ask for more in the future. Actually, you’ll be more than happy when they finally decide to put a label on your relationship.

12. Taking control

If you’re dealing with a toxic ex, they’ll use this period of separation to gain even more control over you. You miss them, and they know it.

Even though you refuse to admit it, the truth is that you would do practically anything just to have them back. Yes, that includes accepting their possessive behavior.

This time, they’re not checking your boundaries. Instead, they’re imposing their controlling limits on you.

They literally forbid you to hang out with some friends, ask you to delete your social media, and control your life in other ways. At first, you might see it as a sign that they still love you. Otherwise, why would they be this jealous?

Well, let me tell you, this is a major red flag. They’re using your vulnerabilities to take complete charge of your life. And they’re testing you to see how far they can go.

Of course, when you two get back together and you realize what you signed up for, it will be too late to change the terms and conditions.

13. Asking for your help

sad young man sitting on the floor and looking at mobile phone

One of the signs your ex is testing you is that they’re still asking for your help. Don’t see this as their way of taking advantage of your kindness

Even though this is possible, it’s more likely that your ex is checking whether they can rely on your not. Obviously, this is only possible if you two stayed on good terms.

They keep on making excuses to reach out. You’re the only one whose advice they believe in and the only one who can give them a hand when they’re going through a hard time.

There is no doubt about one thing: your ex still holds a great deal of trust in you. But at the same time, they’re wondering if you’re still the same person who is ready to move mountains for their sake.

If you show them that you are, that is a ticket back into their life.

14. Focusing on your love life

Is my ex testing me to see if they’re interested in my love life? Definitely yes!

It’s clear your ex is jealous, but at the same time, they’re not really doing anything special to get you back. What’s the deal with that?

Well, every relationship expert will give you the same answer: they’re literally letting you find someone new.

Are they doing it because they don’t love you and actually want you to move on? Absolutely not!

They don’t want to be the one you settle for if there is someone better out there for you. They don’t want to be convenient for you.

They want you to have options and to always choose them, no matter the competition. They want to know that you’d rather be alone than with someone else if you couldn’t have them.

15. Reminiscing the good old days

couple talking on the floor in the living room

A good sign of your ex testing you is that they keep on bringing up the good old days. How will you react when they mention the past? Will you change the subject or start smiling in a flirty way?

Your reaction will tell them everything they need to know. But that’s not all.

They want to see how you perceive everything that went on between you two from your point of view. Do you see your mistakes, and would you do anything differently?

Now is your chance!

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Testing The Waters?

If your ex wants to stay in touch under the excuse of remaining friends, they’re probably testing the waters. This is especially true if they keep on flirting with you and sending you mixed signals.

They’re not asking for a second chance just yet, but they’re definitely trying to see if you’ll give them the green light to keep on trying to get you back.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Is Trying To Get Your Attention?

If your ex is going out of their way to make you jealous, it’s a good sign that they’re actually trying to get your attention. They keep rubbing their new relationship right in your face just to get a reaction from you.

Also, they’re probably reaching out to your friends and family instead of calling you directly. Or they will just give you random drunk calls and text messages and pretend like nothing’s happened in the morning.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Secretly Wants You Back?

mindful man standing by the window and watching the street

If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend wants to get back together, they’ll do everything in their power to stay in your life. They’ll make excuses to see you or, at least, hear from you.

They’ll keep on reminding you of the good old days, trying to get you back with the help of nostalgia. This person will stalk your social media apps because they want to be up to date on what’s going on in your life.

And let’s not forget about their jealousy. They can’t handle the idea of you dating someone else because they still think of you as theirs.

To Wrap Up:

All the signs your ex is testing you are right here! So, what are you going to do about it?

Well, it all depends on how you want this to end. If you plan on getting your ex back, make sure to pass all of their tests. Give them exactly what they want and persuade them that your relationship deserves a second chance.

But if you don’t see a future here, don’t waste your precious time and energy on these mind games. What’s the point? Just cut them off and proceed to heal your broken heart.


Category: How to get him back


Clinical Psychologist and Counseling Psychotherapist, Child Psychologist, Relationship Counsellor, Geriatric care, Neuro-Psychologist

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