Dealing with breakup

Find Out If You Should Post Your Ex On Social Media & MUCH More


Wondering if you should post your ex on social media post-breakup?

On top of that, you want to make her/him jealous via social media platforms so that they’d want you back?

There is a way to make that happen but first, I’m going to give you a breakdown of whether or not it’s a smart choice to post your ex on your social media accounts.

During heartbreak, the last thing you want is making rash decisions that you’ll regret down the road so don’t try to make your ex jealous right off the bat.

Take a short break from sending provocative Tweets, posting sultry selfies, texting him/her or constantly updating your Facebook profile.

Before you work on getting your ex back, you need to collect your thoughts, give yourself time to reassess what you need and just breathe.

In this article, I cover whether posting your ex is a wise move, discuss HOW to use social media to get them back and when it’s high time to cut ties for good.

Should You Post Your Ex On Social Media?

crop image of a woman holding a white smartphone outdoors

Simply put, no. You should under no circumstances choose to post your ex on social media. And the reason is quite simple, really.

The whole point of a break-up is to focus on yourself. No matter what the reasoning for cutting ties was, if it’s over, it’s over.

That means putting yourself first and leaving the past where it belongs. Even if your goal was getting your ex to want you back, this would never work.

Why? Because this move gives them ALL the power. That way, they know they’ve got you where they want you.

They know your nostalgia is getting the better of you and they can do what they please with that.

So my simple answer is don’t post pictures with your ex post-break-up. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

There are other ways to stir some jealousy but this isn’t it. If you truly feel like you’re in the right headspace to contemplate getting your ex back, I strongly encourage you to keep reading.

Below, I share sneaky tips and tricks on using social media to your advantage after the break-up and I also discuss WHEN it’s the right time to unfriend your ex once and for all.

If you seek carefully thought-out advice on everything pertaining to social media and exes, scroll down and take notes.

How To Make Your Ex Want You Back By Making Her/Him Jealous?

Post a hot pic with a friend of the opposite gender to stir some jealousy

Table of Contents

young attractive couple taking a selfie wearing swimwear near the beach

This can be truly innocent. It can be a really good friend (who your ex has never met—even better) who just happens to look great.

Go out, take a cute selfie (or ten) and choose the best one. Don’t be too obvious with the hashtag as then your ex will know it’s entirely about them and that beats the purpose.

Instead, write something along the lines of #livingmybestlife and make sure to smile as if your life depends on it.

Your ex will notice it without a shadow of a doubt.

You can bet that their mind will go a hundred miles an hour trying to discern if they know this person and what the nature of your relationship is.

And that’s all you could want. It might not get him back instantly but it’ll definitely make them pay closer attention.

Let your social media followers know about your new exciting endeavors

beautiful woman taking a selfie at the airport showing her passport

Have you started a new job? Are you going abroad for a few months? Have you gotten a promotion? Let your people know!

It’s not embarrassing posting about your exciting, new accomplishments.

People post about their food and their every thought nonstop, so never feel bad about tooting your own horn.

Trust me, your ex will feel bad for not being there to be happy for you in person.

Or if you ended it on bad terms, they’ll be beating themselves up when they see your amazing news.

Either way, it’ll affect them one way or another. Either they’ll contact you to say congrats, which will encourage a conversation, or they’ll reach out to find out more.

Either way, it’s a step forward that could lead toward your desired outcome. Just don’t expect a miracle prematurely. Step by step and you’ll get there.

See also: Disappearing From Social Media After A Breakup (All You Need To Know)

Take a vacay with your crew and don’t skimp on the photos!

group of female friends taking a groufie during travel near a body of water

Why post your ex on social media if you can post your amazing, supportive crew while on a fun getaway?

I bet you’re due an unforgettable trip with your best friends so why not treat yourself and make your soul happy?

It’ll help you unwind, live your best life and take TONS of photos.

And you know who the first person to notice (and be jealous about it) will be. That’s right; your ex! Let them see all the fun you’re having.

Show every adventure you go on, post happy, positive hashtags ONLY and instead of bitterness, showcase only positivity!

There’s nothing like being happy without them.

And sometimes, people need to see that the world doesn’t revolve around them. It might just encourage them to hit you up.

And then, it’s totally up to you how the rest of it unfolds.

young woman outdoors using a smartphone while leaning on the wallAt one point, you’re going to see a window to DM them. They’ll post about something that really tickles your fancy and you’ll see it as a great chance to start talking. But don’t.

It’s not necessarily about completely losing touch; it’s about taking back the power. Your ex knows what they’re doing. They know what post will intrigue you.

Don’t let them see they can get to you so easily. Don’t fall in that trap.

If you manage to restrain yourself from taking the bait, your ex will have no choice but to contact you directly, if that was their initial goal.

You want to be the one who’s chased, right? So let them do whatever they want and just live your happy life. If they see that you’re too happy to pay attention, it’ll bug them.

Then, the only way to start up a conversation will be if they initiate it. A little bit of restraint goes a long way.

Like and leave cute comments on their best friend’s photos

woman using a smatphone sitting in crop image

Again, this doesn’t mean that you’re making a move or anything; you’re simply being a little sultry and provocative. So what?

You have every right to like posts and write whatever you want. And if you just happen to really, really dig his/her BFF’s new post, what’s wrong with being vocal about it?

It won’t mean anything but it’ll really gnaw at them.

Why are you commenting on their photos? Are you suddenly friendly with their BFF? Is something going on between you two?

It’ll definitely catch their attention and make them want to clear the air. And the whole idea is to make them jealous, right?

So what does it tell you that a mere comment or like can cause them to be frantic?

People who don’t care about you wouldn’t care about these silly things.

If they make this into a thing, there’s still a chance for you after all.

Tag yourself when you’re in their neck of the woods but don’t ask to meet

woman in grocery looking at her smartphone

Here’s another cute way to get their attention. Next time you visit their neighborhood for whatever reason, leave the geotag on.

It could be a supermarket run, visiting a friend, going to the doctor’s office or any other reason.

Make sure that your location is visible and don’t mention that you’ll be nearby.

When they see that you’re so close, trust me, they’ll be wondering what on earth you’re doing there. And better yet, why haven’t you hit them up?

And leave it that way. Don’t call, don’t text and don’t tell anyone what you’re doing there. Let your ex’s imagination run wild.

They might just think you’re there to visit them but when there’s no sign of you, they’ll start thinking about who else you know nearby.

And just like that, you’ll occupy your ex’s mind. Without doing or saying anything at all. That’s what I call being sneaky AF.

Look happier than ever in selfies with mutual friends

selfie with a friend havinf earphones and sunglasses in the park

Hopefully, you’ve got a few mutual friends between you two. If you get a chance, hit them up for a hangout session sometime soon.

Go to the movies, have a night out, go for coffee or choose any other adventure. Talk about anything and everything BUT the ex.

That way, when they ask them if you were being nosy about their life (and they will ask) the answer will be to your benefit.

And another thing; take cute selfies, look happy and feel free to post them on your social media platforms.

They’re your friends too. Why shouldn’t you be happy?

It’ll be a big blow for them when they see you happy without them, especially with mutual friends.

Nostalgia will hit and they’ll probably reminisce about the beautiful times you all had together.

Now it’s all gone. But is it really? It doesn’t have to be and they might just realize that too.

Leave clues that you’re on the lookout for a new relationship

man meeting a woman in a coffee shop

But never be too obvious. Just enough to let them know you’re looking.

The thing is, it doesn’t have to be true but if your ex starts thinking that you’re ready to move on from them, it might make them feel some type of way.

A little white lie never hurt anybody. Plus, this isn’t really a lie. It’s a hint. And if it makes your ex take notice, I’m all for it.

Do something you kept postponing while you were together

travel planning with a map camera hat laptop and coffee

You probably had a million plans that were never really seen through, like taking a trip to Italy, visiting their hometown or going camping somewhere in the wilderness.

So here’s what you can do; go do that thing all by yourself! You can even do it with your bestie.

There’s no time like the present. And if you really want to do something, why wouldn’t you?

Just because it was a plan a long time ago with an ex? I don’t think so.

Pack your bags, make the arrangements and go live your life.

Sure, it’ll make your ex super jealous that they’re not your travel buddy.

It’s likely going to hit them hard that you took someone else. And that’s great!

Seeing you happy somewhere that was supposed to be reserved for you two will be the wake-up call they needed.

Do the one thing that you know would make YOU crazy jealous

cheerful girls dancing in the pub and drinking wine

You know better than anyone what would make you go stir crazy right now regarding your ex.

You don’t need a relationship expert to tell you how your ex could make you jealous AF.

Just think hard about what they can do right now that would upset you and do it yourself.

This is sure to catch their attention. Why not use your own feelings to your advantage?

Would it upset you if your ex posted a photo with their best friend whom you always felt they were too close to?

Maybe it would be pulling an all-nighter at a club doing God-knows-what?

Let your imagination do its thing and help yourself make your ex jealous like crazy. If you know what would set you off, chances are the same would go for your ex.

Major Dos & Don’ts Of Using Social Media Post-Break Up

DON’T stalk your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend no matter what

hand of a woman looking at the smartphone in the table

This is one ‘sin’ a LOT of us are guilty of at some point after a break-up. You promise yourself that you won’t but you just have to.

You just need to know what they’re up to and where they are. Are they as sad as you are?

Have they been going out nonstop? Are they alone or surrounded by friends?

But hear me out. Whatever you end up finding out will not help you in any way. It won’t make you feel better.

It won’t make the pain go away. And it won’t make things easier.

Stalking exes post-break-up is the worst idea ever. I know firsthand.

After I engaged in some stalking a few years back, I found out that my ex had been spending time with his ex-girlfriend.

And do you know how it made me feel? Like crap. Inadequate. As if he broke up with me just to go back to her.

So stop yourself right now and thank yourself later.

DON’T be unnerved when you sense their posts are about you

businesswoman checking phone while sitting in the bench outdoors

We can all get a little petty sometimes, especially if a break-up was acrimonious. After all, we’re only human.

However, the moment you sense that some of their posts are actually a dig at you, don’t be unnerved.

That will be the best revenge. What they want is for you to react. So don’t.

You’ll know if the post was meant for you or not and you can react privately however you need. But never show them your reaction.

It’ll bug them like hell. How can you be so indifferent? How do their words not affect you?

However, the thing is, of course you’re going to feel something. The difference is that you’re not going to let it show.

That’s a classy thing to do and it’s a sign of maturity.

If your ex won’t take the high road, you will. It’ll feel a million times better than stooping to their level.

DON’T add any of her/his (fe)male friends or new partner on social media

woman with smartphone sitting inside a public vehicle

This is a big mistake. Huge. But on a more serious note, really, don’t do it.

It’ll be so obvious what you’re trying to do and again, it’ll bring you zero comfort.

And the worst part? They probably won’t even accept it, which will suck even worse. So don’t put yourself in this position.

Your ex has their own life, as is their right but then again, so do you.

What do you expect from them, to just sit broken-heartedly at home crying over you?

Sorry but people need to move on with their lives.

They can move back toward you or move as far away from you as possible but remaining stagnant is not an option.

So don’t add any people from his life. It’ll seem really bad and it’ll be just as uncomfortable for you as it will for your ex.

DO take a short break from your social media platforms

pretty and pensive woman reading magazine outdoors while lying down

One thing that I found brought me the most peace after my horrible break-up was a much-needed social media detox.

After ending things, people tend to go on a social media rampage; posting more than ever, taking hot selfies, writing statuses that are obviously aimed at their ex… but to what avail?

At the end of the day, you’re only going to feel embarrassed about it once you’ve moved on so why not take this step and move away from all the drama?

If your ultimate goal is healing and being able to have a clean slate (in whichever direction), you need to take a step back.

Put all this behind you and promise yourself that you won’t touch your Facebook, Instagram or Snapchat for at least a week. Moreover, deactivate them altogether.

After some time away from your devices, you’ll see how good and healthy life can be.

Living your real life as opposed to being petty online is the best medicine for a clear head.

DON’T make posts that are a clear dig at your ex

pensive woman using smartphone outdoors leaning on the railings wearing coat

If you realize that you just can’t stay away, okay, we can work with that too. But whatever you do, do NOT post your ex.

That’s the first step. And can you guess what the second one is? Do not post ABOUT your ex. Put the ex-files in a deep drawer and lock it.

Forget that the drawer exists and live as if you never even knew about it.

And one day, you’ll just realize that you’ve actually been really happy, totally forgetting about wanting to blast them online.

People know exactly what your post means and who it’s aimed at.

And it’s not a good look. Raging post-break-up can be avoided if you can just train yourself to focus on the positives.

Go out in nature. Take a hike with your best friend and your dog (if you have one). Take up a new hobby. Read good books. Call your friends.

These will take up so much of your time that you’ll forget all about wanting to stoop so low. It’s honestly the most counterproductive thing you can do.

Live your life unbothered and cry to your people in private whenever you need it. But mixing your rage with social media is a big no.

DO go for a no-contact period, meaning NO social media chit-chat

woman putting down smartphone on the table

There are some exes out there who make a pact to stay friends. For me, it’s not really an option but hey, if someone can make it work, good for them.

My advice to you is if you’re still feeling raw, sad and confused and you want them back, by all means, go for a no-contact period.

You need it more than you know. Staying friends with someone you still have deep feelings for is painful AF.

You’re going to lie to yourself that you’re totally fine but you won’t be.

Instagram comments you leave each other won’t help matters one bit. DM-ing about something totally random will make you feel as if there’s still hope.

So cutting the cord is really important in order to give yourself an opportunity to actually be fine.

Don’t delude yourself; it’s over. Things may change at some point but not right now so cut them off completely, and don’t engage in any type of conversation.

It’ll be like tiny cuts all over your body.

DON’T post about every single thing that happens in your life

woman putting phone inside a woven bag standing outdoors

Live your own life and resist the urge to let everyone know what you’re up to 24/7. A little mystery is always a healthy choice.

Don’t try to get your ex’s attention by being online all the time.

Don’t think that just because they know where you currently are, they’ll rush to you and ask to get back together.

These things don’t even happen in the movies. So take the high road.

Leave social media be and live your life for yourself. You don’t need an audience.

I promise that after a while, things will get better but first, you need to weather this storm. Take it one day at a time and don’t push yourself too hard.

If you don’t feel like doing anything special today, that’s fine. Just don’t write a sad status and don’t post any dramatic quotes.

You’ll be fine eventually. And remember, it’s always dark before the dawn.

DO post about your self-care regimes that are inspiring and uplifting

adult influencer teaching yoga on social media

If you’ve found some inspiring hobby that helps you move past all the heartbreak, definitely post about that!

People love uplifting self-care-oriented posts.

Perhaps you’ve discovered yoga, you’ve started using new products that have been doing wonders for your skin or there’s a new gym that you swear by.

That is something you can totally write about; your journey to inner happiness and how to get there.

It’s not about your ex, it’s about you finding yourself again!

That is definitely something Instagram-worthy.

It’ll inspire your followers, help someone during their struggle and bring you closer together to your community. What more could you ask for?

Positivity should always outweigh negativity. It’s so easy staying in your dark, gloomy bubble and refusing to find a glimmer of hope.

But all it takes is just one thing. One reason to get up and go on with your day.

That one thing has the power to turn into two, three, ten little things and before you know it, you’ll be genuinely okay.

Taking the first step is the hardest but definitely the most rewarding.

woman checks social media sitting and looking pensivelyIf you see them post a photo with a new squeeze, refrain from commenting: Wow, it really didn’t take you long to replace me.

If you see them post a happy status, also don’t comment saying anything that’ll allude to how they treated you. It may suck but being nasty online can only worsen things—and fast.

On top of that, to the outside world (read: your online friends), you’ll appear as the villain in this story, while they’ll be the victim.

And we all know that’s far from the truth. So whatever nasty thing you’re tempted to write, just don’t. It’ll feel good for a brief second, then it’ll suck for much longer.

DO take this opportunity to meet new people and expand your circle

millennial guy handshaking a woman being introduced by friends

This could be a true blessing in disguise. If you get a new friend request, accept it!

This could be someone you just recently met at the gym or a friend of a friend. Either way, it’s a great opportunity to meet some new people and shift your focus from all this negativity.

And honestly, you never know when life’s about to surprise you with someone who’ll become really important to you.

So broaden your horizons and take any opportunity you get to expand your circle. What’s the worst that can happen?

When Is It Time To Unfriend Your Ex Once And For All?

When seeing their face popping up on social media makes you feel miserable

woman checking phone beside a bus wearing pink dress and bringing bag

This is when you know that unfollowing them is a must. Your social media feed shouldn’t bring you anxiety.

Browsing through your feed shouldn’t make you worrisome about seeing something that could break your heart in half.

Do yourself a favor and press delete. You’ll still miss them and wonder what they’re up to but at least you won’t keep seeing them all the time and that’s vital.

In order to heal from a break-up, you need to move away from them for a while. And how is that possible if their face keeps popping up on your social media platforms?

When you feel the urge to contact them, knowing you SHOULDN’T

woman working at laptop indoors wearing eyeglasses

Every time you go online, you try to create an excuse to contact them. Any little reason that won’t seem obvious.

But the thing is… it will be obvious.

If you know that you shouldn’t contact them but you fear that your weakness could get the better of you, I have two words for you. Unfriend them.

Do you want to feel better? Do you want to stop being so obsessed with them?

Are you sick and tired of being tempted to shoot them a message every single day? Then you know what to do.

Hitting ‘unfriend’ will feel like a thousand knives through your chest but once you do it, it’ll be over and done with.

When all you want to do is add all of their friends to see what they’re up to

pensive woman with hand at chin working on the laptop

Whenever you see your ex hanging out with their friends, you just need to know more. And how can you do that? By adding them.

But should you do it? Absolutely not. In fact, the moment you get close to hitting the add friend button, go offline immediately.

What’s the point in doing that? Hurting yourself even more?

When the temptation to add everyone your ex is associated with trumps your sound mind, you need to unfriend them.

Don’t let your current weakness win. You’re better than that.

When seeing them with a new partner reminds you of your past relationship

pensive woman with smartphone while sitting bed with white linen

Your ex has a new partner and it’s profoundly painful seeing them together.

Every time they post a cute photo, your nostalgia kicks in and you’re reminded of how that used to be you.

The more you see them, the less okay you are.

This is only going to prolong the healing process. Every single photo and happy status will deteriorate your healing process.

How can you put an end to that? By choosing to no longer be their online friend. There really isn’t a reason for that anymore.

When they post about ‘finally’ being with the right person (you don’t need that kind of negativity)

pensive attractive woman holding a smartphone with leave bordering her

This will be the hardest pill to swallow; knowing that your ex can post whatever they want and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Don’t be surprised when they post a nasty status such as: ‘So, this is what it’s like when you’re finally with the right person’.

It’ll hurt like hell. You’ll know that this is a dig at you. You’ll feel the need to reply and be merciless while crying on the inside.

But do you know what? Why should you? Online bickering is childish, immature and pointless.

If you don’t want to let them hurt you, simply delete them right now! What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

When you still haven’t healed from the break-up

young pensive woman holding a cup of coffee and wearing a shawl

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay if you’re still picking up your pieces. There is no time limit on heartbreak.

Nobody gets to tell you to just get over it. It’ll take you as long as it takes.

But do you know what’s really important during this time? Admitting to yourself that keeping your ex on your friend list is anything but a healthy choice.

For as long as you’re on shaky ground emotionally, you don’t need their presence.

Maybe one day you’ll be ready to be (online) friends again but today is probably not that day.

When you realize that if you don’t, you’ll never really get over them

woman about to drink tea thinking near the windows

Which brings me to my next point. After having admitted to yourself that you’re still too messed up to see them on your feed, it’s time for another bitter pill.

Deep down, you know you’ll never heal if you don’t move away from them, both physically and virtually.

If you want to get your ex back at some point, first, you need to get to a healthy place again. And unfriending them, for the time being, is a must.

Who knows, maybe in a few months’ time, you’ll be a brand new person who can handle it better. But now, do what’s best for you.

When your self-esteem is at an all-time low

pretty young woman with full of complexes and low self esteem facing a broken mirror

You’ve never felt more sorry for yourself. You’ve never felt less important or attractive. You fear that no one will ever want you again.

And yet, you keep your ex on your friend list? The one who’s (at least partially) to blame for the way you’re feeling right now?

I don’t think I need to go any further. Whatever happened between you two, it’s clear that it has affected you mentally and emotionally.

You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life. Your worth is not based on what your ex thinks of you!

When you realize that it’s time to move on without looking back

pensive woman holding a cup of coffee wearing a sweater

One day, you’ll finally realize that it’s high time to move on and never look back. The past is in the past and what’s done is done.

Your past relationship doesn’t define you and you sure as hell won’t allow yourself to dwell in negativity any longer.

Therefore, unfriending this person will become imperative for a happier life.

Luckily, at this point, it won’t be as hard anymore. It’ll be a natural next step toward betterment.

It might sting every now and again but with each passing day, you’ll be better.

And ultimately, that’s all you could wish for.

When you meet someone who helps you see the light at the end of the tunnel

cute couple spending time outdoors looking at the smartphone

No matter how gloomy it might seem right now, one day you’re going to meet someone new. And this person will help you see your worth again.

You’ll realize that your tough break-up was just a part of life that sucked profoundly but it needed to happen so that you can grow.

Today, you’re happier and much, much stronger for it. You went through a lot of pain and you came out the other end. Congrats!

And the final step toward being truly okay again is unfriending the person who made you feel like you weren’t enough.

Now, you’re finally with someone who knows how to treat you.

This means that keeping your ex on your friends list is the furthest thing from your mind.

Click that unfriend button ASAP and go where your newfound happiness takes you.

Final Thoughts

pensive pretty woman sitting on the couch looking outside the window

Break-ups suck. Whether you were the one who initiated it or not, moving forward is never as simple as you wish it was.

Therefore, considering whether or not to post your ex in a desperate attempt to get their attention isn’t that crazy.

Don’t feel bad about feeling nostalgic, wanting to meet up and thinking of texting them. You’re only human.

Just last night, I was experiencing one of the more challenging nights wondering whether I should reply to my ex’s Snapchat or not. And do you know what I figured out?

It’s all up to you and your journey. If you feel confident that you’ve healed from last year’s break-up, why the hell not?

But if you’re still reminiscing in your head about the last time they kissed you, perhaps it’s time to hit the brakes.

I’ve shared with you my foolproof tips on getting your ex back and figuring it all out and I hope you’ll know how to use them wisely.

After all, you know your own heart and you’re the only one who knows what the smart move is. So, good luck and keep pushing forward. You’ve got this.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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