Dealing with breakup

This Is How You’ll Learn To Unlove Him


It’s been a while now since this man walked away from you. The man you thought was your soulmate and forever person.

The man you planned on spending the rest of your life with and the man you were convinced would never abandon you the way you did.

It’s been a while since the man you loved more than anything left you. A while since you’ve been feeling lost, desperate and brokenhearted.

A while since you’ve been stuck in one place, without any hope of moving forward.

When you come to think of it, you remember how you grew to love this man. You remember how you fell for him and how with time, he became the centre of your universe.

couple in love cuddling in bed

But you can’t seem to figure out the right way to get over him.

No matter how you try, you can’t forget about him and despite all of your efforts, you can’t seem to figure out how to unlove him.

Well, let me tell you one thing—even though you don’t believe me now, you will heal, and you will be better. You will stop loving him sooner or later, and you’ll leave him in the past, exactly where he belongs.

You will unlove this man, the same way you started to love him.

Bit it won’t happen overnight. It is a process which takes time and devotion. Firstly, you’ll be angry at him. You’ll be furious for everything he’s done to you.

How could he have crushed all of the dreams you guys built together? How could he have broken your heart, without blinking an eye?

Then, you’ll be angry at yourself. How could you have been so foolish to believe him?

How come you didn’t see his true face in time? How could you share a life with a man who obviously never loved you enough?

After that, when you get rid of the anger, sadness will come. You’ll only think about your beautiful memories and when you remember them, you’ll want this guy back in your life.

This is when you’ll start feeling lonely because you got used to always having him by your side. You’ll be convinced that you will spend the rest of your life crying for this man.

sad woman crying on bed

And when you finally hit rock bottom, there will be no other way to go from up.

What you won’t know is that while all of this was happening, you were actually travelling on the path of unloving this man.

You won’t be aware that you’ve already started your journey of letting him go,and that these were all the phases of your healing process.

And then, one morning, all of a sudden, he won’t be the first thing that comes to your mind.

You will catch yourself smiling without a particular reason, and you won’t hear his voice in the back of your head.

All of a sudden, you’ll catch yourself not thinking about him every single day.

You’ll see that your heart buried him and that he’s become nothing more than a distant memory.

One day, you won’t be scared of going through life on your own because you’ll see that you made it just fine without him. You won’t miss him, and you won’t feel incomplete on your own.

All of a sudden, you’ll start enjoying your single life. You’ll start pampering yourself the way you were spoiling him.

You’ll start loving yourself more than you’ve ever loved this guy.

When that happens, you’ll be more fulfilled than ever. You’ll finally see how strong a woman you are.

You’ll see that your worth doesn’t have to do with the fact that this man loves you or doesn’t love you.

beautiful woman looking at mirror

You’ll remember that you existed before he entered your life and that his departure didn’t destroy you or change the essence of your being.

And just like that, you’ll unlove him, the moment you start loving yourself for real.

moment you realize that you’ve always been more important than this man is the moment you’ll stop idealizing him, and you’ll see that he never deserved you.

The moment you understand that this guy leaving you was actually the best thing that could have ever happened; the moment you stop waiting for closure and when you realize that you guys were simply not meant to be.

No, you won’t forget that this man ever existed in your life. Instead, you’ll start seeing him as a lesson, as a healed scar and as a vague reminder of past times.

But that doesn’t mean you will be haunted by the memory of him because the moment you stop loving him is the moment in which you won’t feel his absence any more.

The moment in which you won’t feel this emptiness inside of your heart and the moment in which you won’t crave for him anymore.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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