Getting over him

How To Get Over A Crush: 10 Tips For Finally Letting Them Go


You fantasize about them day and night, you can’t stop looking at their picture (especially that one you find the cutest), while at the same time asking yourself how you can get out of this infatuation phase. How does one get over a crush?

Falling for someone who is for some reason off-limits can be a stressful experience and often results in crushing heartache.

So, getting over the object of your affection is the only wise thing to do (if you want to preserve your sanity and show some consideration to your precious time and nerves, right?).

man and woman holding hands on the seashore while sitting on bike

Now, I wish I could tell you that there’s some secret, magical formula that will teach you how to get over your crush in a day, but there isn’t.

From personal experience, I can tell you honestly that this is a process but it’s a WORTHWHILE one!

All you need to do is read the following tips/steps and implement them into your daily life. And if you are persistent and patient, before you know it your unrequited crush will be a thing of the past.

Ready? I’m sure as hell you are! So, let’s see:

Wondering How To Get Over A Crush? Here’s What To Do

woman with red lips and red earrings looking down

I put this one in first place and with an exclamation mark for a reason. The reason being I can’t emphasize enough how important it is in these moments to remind yourself that you deserve the best.

Instead of thinking about why you can’t be together, and constantly daydreaming about your crush and losing your head over too many ‘what ifs’, you should focus on pampering yourself!

You should focus on making yourself feel better, special, and appreciated!

So, enjoy a massage, buy a new lipstick, take a long bubble bath (ah!), go to your favorite restaurant and order the whole goddamn menu if you wish (and if your budget allows).

woman wearing white halter dress and floral tiara

Enjoy the best movies and TV shows on Netflix, buy that new pair of shoes you’ve been wanting (cuz I know you DO really want them)!

In one word, spoil yourself so much you forget that you even had a crush. If you’re still not convinced, just think about what your crush might be doing.

Do you really believe that they’re thinking of you and forgetting to enjoy their own life?

Nope. They almost certainly aren’t. So, pampering yourself would be the best revenge and you should definitely enjoy it!

2. Allow yourself to fully experience painful emotions

woman in gray long-sleeved top sitting on chair

We often forget that allowing ourselves to fully experience painful emotions is a part of the grieving process. It’s important to understand that if we block our negative emotions and all the bad things in our life in general, over time they will become much stronger and more powerful.

So, what you need to do is allow yourself to FULLY experience all the painful emotions you’re going through at the moment. Do you feel rage? Acknowledge it.

Do you feel hurt? Then don’t pretend that you’re feeling fine.

two women sitting on sofa in a room while crying

Don’t run away from what you’re feeling right now because it might haunt you in the long run. The more you pretend that everything is okay, the more hurt you’ll feel.

Be honest with yourself and accept the fact that you’re only human – a human who is allowed to feel all the emotions they want: from blissful joy to utterly devastating sadness.

Because that’s what makes you who you are – a brave person with a big heart who is not afraid to express their feelings.

3. Unfollow your crush on ALL your social media accounts

woman holding iPhone in front of computer

“Out of sight, out of mind.” I advise reading this powerful sentence over and over again until it starts to haunt you – even in your sleep (okay, I’m kidding about that one).

So, what does the above sentence mean, exactly? It means that every object or person in our life is in our thoughts as well.

And when it or they are out of sight, it or they are out of our mind as well.

This principle can be implemented in any area of our life, so it’s a useful tip for when it comes to learning how to get over a crush.

woman with backpack wearing blue sweater while walking in the nature

All you need to do is unfollow or unfriend your crush on all of your social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat – all of them) because unfriending or unfollowing them will keep them out of your sight and, therefore, out of your mind!

Yup. It’s as simple as that. But, it’s important to understand that this is a process!

For example, if you are used to visiting their social media profiles approximately 100 times per day, you cannot expect that once you stop, you won’t have a single urge to start visiting their profile again. You will, but you should not do it.

The urge to stalk them on social media will remain strong for a few days, and if you resist the temptation, you will be saved!

See also: How To Stop Thinking About Someone: 15 Steps To Get Them Out Of Your Head

4. Increase your self-love

woman with black hair leaning on the wall while holding flowers

When we’re crushing on someone, we’re totally, almost irreversibly infatuated with them.

We think about them all the time, we imagine all the possible outcomes (if we decide to do something about it) and we hope that they will notice us and feel the same way about us.

However, in the majority of cases, we realize that there’s no point in doing anything because, for some reason (that is only known to you), you know that you will never be with them and all this is just an impressive illusion.

In all this, we often start neglecting ourselves. We start feeling unwanted or not good enough (or both).

By solely focusing on this unrequited crush, we forget to focus on all the good things in our life and about ourselves that are right in front of our noses!

woman facing mirror surrounded with lights

The only thing that is capable of breaking this vicious cycle is self-love.

To increase your self-love, remind yourself of what loving family and friends you have, of all of your achievements, of what a beautiful, strong woman you are, of what an inspiration you are to others.

Self care = self esteem!

If you work on becoming your best self, and if you take care of your well-being, you WILL find a silver lining in all this. You will succeed in getting over your crush with the power of your positive mindset!

5. Talk it out with a family member or your close friend(s)

two women talking while sitting on bench

As already mentioned, preventing yourself from experiencing painful emotions can seriously backfire, so talking it all out with a family member, your best friend or a close friend is strongly advisable!

Keeping all those unrequited feelings inside you is not good for your mental health because over time those feelings could pile up and cause an “obstruction” that can only be fixed with the help of professionals.

If your family lives far away from you and if your friends are not available, another option is talking it out with a co-worker (unless they’re your crush, of course). Without much thought, just tell them how you feel about all this and let your emotions guide you.

Don’t try to sanitize your words and don’t pretend like this is not a big deal, that you’re totally over it and that all you want is to let them know that. Be honest with them, and most importantly, be honest with yourself.

The truth is the first step to healing!

6. OR write down your thoughts and feelings

woman sitting beside table using laptop

Not all of us are comfortable talking about their feelings with other people (especially when it comes to such delicate things like a crush), and if you’re one of them, don’t worry, because there is an alternative!

If you’re an introvert like me, you’ll probably value the other option, which is writing instead of talking.

So, take a sheet of paper and write down your thoughts and feelings, starting with why you like your crush, why you can’t be together, and how you feel about all that.

It’s advisable that you make this a routine (at least, for the time being), so you should seriously think about starting a ‘crush journal’ where you can write things regarding this one specific matter.

woman sitting near window and writing in the notebook

Another important part of writing / journaling is letting it go! The reason why you’re writing all those things is because you need to get rid of them.

Instead of talking, you’re putting your thoughts and feelings on a sheet of paper for the sole purpose of letting them go!

If you feel that simply writing your feelings down is not really helping you, I suggest crushing the paper or burning it because this method is proven to give a sense of relief and closure.

So, write everything down on paper and then let it go – let all your feelings go. Let them vanish into a thin air!

7. Express yourself with activities that make you happy

two women in red dresses dancing on the floor

If you’re wondering how to get over a crush, my answer to you is: Express yourself! Do things that make you happy! It’s as simple as that.

But, I understand. It’s simple in theory, but in practice it’s a totally different thing.

I understand that the only activity that’s on your mind right now is thinking about your crush (if that can even be categorized as an activity), but for your own sake, you need to open your eyes and start doing things instead of thinking about doing things.

I know that this is easier said than done, but trust me, after some time you’ll be grateful you did it. So, find a new hobby: dance, sing, draw, go for a walk, play games (if you’re a gamer girl), or try writing a short story or a poem.

Create, create, create…

woman holding paintbrush while coloring a drawing

You don’t even have to be good at these things. Just because you don’t have Adele’s voice, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sing for your own amusement. Let me tell you something.

I always find it extremely soothing and helpful drawing abstract art. I draw lines, circles, interesting and weird shapes, and while doing that I shut off my brain and let my emotions lead my hand.

I can’t express how rejuvenating this is, so if you haven’t tried it, now is the right time to do so!

8. Stop idealizing your crush!

woman wearing blue jacket standing beside curtains

Again, I’ve put an exclamation mark for a reason. You see, there’s one thing about crushes that is extremely poisoning for our brain and that is the idealization part.

When we have a crush, we basically create a perfect picture of them in our brains and that picture is usually fake. Most of the time, we don’t even know much about our crush, but we assume things and we see things the way we want.

We idealize our crush. By doing that, we prevent ourselves from seeing the real, bigger picture, which makes it difficult for us to get over them and finally move on.

To stop idealizing someone means starting to see things as they are – and that’s exactly what you need to do! So, ask yourself about what you saw in your crush in the first place, think about it for some time and ask yourself again whether it is really true.

woman wearing black jacket looking aside near trees

Have you imagined your crush as the perfect man/woman for you because they have a set of skills and qualities others don’t have? Do you think that they are the only person in the world you could be happy with?

If yes, think again. First of all, no one is perfect in this world, so neither is your crush. Perfection doesn’t exist.

Your crush is just a human being that you happened to idealize and therefore you forgot to pay attention to their flaws as well.

They are not the source of your happiness and you shouldn’t see them or treat them as such. It’s time to be realistic and admit to yourself that you’re probably not meant to be and that the sooner you move on, the better.

9. Meet new people

three persons standing outside while talking

When I was getting over my crush, I really hated this one. Meet new people. Seriously? What does that even mean? Is meeting new people really supposed to help me forget that one person I’m trying to forget? Hmm…

The main reason why I was confused about this one was because I didn’t really understand it at first.

I thought that meeting new people meant I had to start dating again and looking for a new crush (yup) and then the next crush, and so on until all the wrong people piled into my life.

Luckily, this is not what it’s about (unless you’re ready and then it could be). Meeting new people doesn’t mean looking for a new crush, but simply hanging out with other, different, new people!

people laughing and talking outside during daytime

Talking to new people, doing fun things with new people (that doesn’t necessarily involve sex), talking about your life history and funny childhood moments while drinking your favorite alcoholic beverages…

The point of meeting new people is not replacing your crush with another, but simply socializing, exchanging smiles, and enjoying the moments because the more you enjoy, the closer you are to getting over the object of your desire!

See also: 5 Things To Remember Before You Start Dating Again

10. See a therapist or counselor

two women chatting while sitting by the table

I suggest first trying all the above methods and then, after some time, if you think that things are not getting any better, you should try seeing a therapist or counselor because this alternative method might help!

If you’ve never visited a therapist or counselor, this might be the right thing to do! After all, there’s a first time for everything and this is not an exception.

There are lots of clinical psychologists that specialize in relationships and all you need to do is find the right one for you.

woman in beige sweater holding silver tablet computer

After listening to you carefully, they will provide you with all the necessary steps and they will help you understand the whole situation better.

They will give you valuable advice on how to get over a crush because they’re trained to, so there’s no need to be skeptical and to think that they won’t be able to help you.

They help lots of people like you and me, so I’m sure they’ll be able to do the same for you! All you need is to believe (which is sometimes the hardest part of all).

After you’ve done all this, there’s only one thing left to do:

Repeat to yourself: I can do this!

woman standing on the desert while her hands up

In order to succeed in something, you need to believe that you can do it and that you will! If you think positive, you will get positive results.

“What you think, you create. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you become.”

Your mind is the most powerful tool at your disposal, so use it wisely. If you think positive, you will succeed in getting over your crush!

See also: How Long Does A Crush Last? And 10 Ways To Successfully Get Over It


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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