Dealing with breakup

Mending A Broken Heart


So, your heart has been broken and you’re pretty sure you’ll never be able to open yourself up to something new. How can you let yourself be so vulnerable ever again? This is it. You’re destined to be an old maid, alone in a house with a dozen cats. Sigh.

When you get your heart broken, it can feel like you will never be able to love again. You barely have the energy to keep to your daily schedule. All you want to do is chill in your PJs and eat bonbons. But, fear not, there is a life-saving philosophy to live by.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

This is as true as it is simple. Learning to let love go, knowing that if the relationship is meant to be, it will return and if not, it’s for the better, is key. There are also some simple steps you must take to successfully make it through to the other side, though. If you follow these, it will be easier to move to acceptance and to a better place mentally and emotionally. It will be easier to allow yourself to heal.

Go through it, not around it. The only way to truly heal is to allow yourself to fully understand what happened to cause the partnership to end. This means accepting what you could and couldn’t have changed. But, don’t dwell on these things. They are learning lessons. By making mistakes, we understand how we will do this differently next time. In acknowledging how we were hurt by another person, and that there are certain things we can’t control, we better understand what traits we do not want in a future relationship.

Fake it until you make it. It’s an age-old saying that carries a lot of weight. You’re bound to feel crappy after a relationship ends. This isn’t anything to be ashamed of—it’s perfectly natural. However, focusing on positive thinking will help attract positivity. Try centering your thoughts on life’s optimistic attributes and be grateful for these.

Find and enjoy your independence again. It’s great to know you’re loved by someone else. It’s even better to have genuine love for yourself. If this feeling was lost in translation when you were too busy giving yourself to another person, find it again. It is important to self-reflect on your strengths and the reasons why you are worthy of true love.

Practice mindful thinking and feeling. Work on staying in the present rather than focusing too much on the future or dwelling in the past. The present is here, now, and it’s not going to wait. There is a wealth of beauty to learn to appreciate in each moment we’re given. Don’t let the present slip by unacknowledged. Any negative thoughts that creep in should be allowed to exist without judgment. However, using cognitive behavioral concepts to turn them into more positive ruminations will help the healing process.

Recite positive affirmations. Speaking of positivity, reciting affirmations is a great way to improve self-love and change the way we think indefinitely. Make a list of everything you love about yourself and reference this as often as needed. Add to it continually. When you really pause to think about it, you will realize how much you have to offer. And, you won’t be so quick to give all of this away.

Go with the flow and have an open mind. Try not to close yourself off to the world around you. Emit positivity but also stay open enough to receive it. Chances are you were open mentally and emotionally the first time you fell for someone else. Allow yourself to continue to be open and receptive to others. This way, someone worthy of all the love you still have to give will be drawn your way when the time is right.

The number one thing to remember is that no one deserves to take away your happiness and no one can do so unless you let them. This is your journey. It’s not about anyone else—the focus needs to be on yourself, healing from the inside out. You will get through this! And, when you do, you will realize everything happens for a reason. Hang in there.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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