Dealing with breakup

How To Get Revenge On Your Ex: 12 Proven Ways To Do So


Getting revenge on an ex partner is childish and unnecessary.

It means that you’re just lowering yourself to his level and it burdens you with unnecessary resentment and emotional baggage.

It’s immature and it’s hurting you as well.

Yes, all of this is the truth – there is no doubt about that.

However, sometimes people hurt us to the point where we’re left with no other choice but to get even because payback is the only thing they deserve.

So, if you’re trying to learn how to get revenge on your ex, simply choose one of the ways listed below and you’ll successfully drive him crazy.

Come up with a plan

woman thinking about plan

The first thing you have to do if you’re trying to figure out how to get revenge on anyone, including your ex, is to come up with the plan.

Is everything he did to you really worthy of your revenge?

Are you just angry at this moment or you are convinced that this desire for revenge will be present in you even after the initial bitterness goes away?

However, what is even more important is to think about how far you are ready to go.

Do you only want to prank this person or are you hoping to make his life miserable?

Do you want to get even or do something worse than he did to you?

Do you plan on taking active or passive-aggressive revenge?

Do you think ignoring your ex will do the trick or would you have to actually do something to hurt him?

These are all the questions you need to answer to if you want your revenge to be successful and satisfying.

Think well if this is something you really want to do this and whether you have what it takes to go all the way.

If you do decide to go for it, make sure you do it as a real professional.

Choose the right timing

woman looking on watch

Before you learn how to get revenge on your ex, you have to know one thing: revenge is best served cold.

Yes, I know you’ve heard this sentence thousands of times and you probably think of it as bullshit, but it really is the truth.

You probably want to pay your ex back as soon as possible and you can’t be patient enough to wait for karma to do the dirty work instead of you.

That is why you’re eager to act on this sweet revenge you have all planned out right this instance.

However, this is not how you get revenge on anyone.

First of all, you’re still hot headed and under the influence of everything that went on, meaning your judgment-making skills are not at their peak.

You aren’t thinking straight and you’re still leading with your heart instead of your reason.

Besides, knowing you, your ex is likely to expect for you to do something to hurt him right now.

He’ll probably be extra careful and your plan might not work because of that.

That is exactly why you have to be patient and wait for the perfect moment for your revenge to take place.

You need to catch him off guard, which means that you should let some time pass for him to forget about you and the pain he’s caused you.

This way, he’ll be unprepared and extra vulnerable, which will make your revenge that much sweeter.

Speak your mind

angry woman arguing with man

One of the fastest ways to get revenge on your ex is to tell him blatantly everything that is on your mind, without holding anything back.

If you choose this approach, this is not the time for you to be polite and watch your language and manners.

This guy hurt you without even stopping for a moment to think about the consequences, so he clearly deserves to hear from you.

And you deserve to have a chance to tell him everything you want straight in the face.

So, if you feel like yelling, swearing, or insulting him, this is exactly what you should be doing.

The benefit of this method is that you’ll probably feel better after you kick all this anger out of your system without doing any actual harm to the other person.

Trust me – the moment you give him a piece of your mind, you’ll immediately feel relieved, as if a huge burden has lifted off your chest.

Nevertheless, what is problematic with this approach is that your ex might not take you seriously.

After all, you didn’t get even in any way and he might remain completely indifferent to your words, thinking of them as empty and meaningless phrases that can’t hurt him.

So, if this guy doesn’t have a conscience you can count on, forget about teaching him a lesson!

Give him a taste of his own medicine

attractive woman posing on the street

If you are wondering how to get revenge on your ex, one of the best ways to do it is to do to him exactly what he’s done to you and hurt his feelings, the same way he did to you.

I’m not saying that stooping down to his level is the wisest thing to do, but if you want to get even, this will without doubt give you at least some satisfaction.

However, in order for this plan to work in the best possible way, you’ll have to pretend as if everything is in perfect order because that is how you’ll break his heart the hardest.

For instance, if this guy cheated on you, you can’t confront him about it because in that case, he’ll expect your move.

On the contrary, you’ll need to control yourself and remain quiet about your findings. Then, you’ll just do to him exactly the same thing he did to you.

Of course, you don’t have to actually cheat on him – you can just do your best to make him believe that you did.

This way, you’ll give him a taste of his own medicine and make him suffer the same way you did.

The only bad thing about this revenge method is that you’ll probably end up like the bad guy in the entire story.

However, if this is something you can stand and you don’t give a damn about your ex’s opinion, then this is the type of revenge you should consider.

Hang out with his friends and family or even his exes

friends playing cards

Having your partner be on good terms with your friends and relatives is something we all love.

And your ex wasn’t an exception – while the two of you were together, that is.

However, it is obvious that he doesn’t want you spending time with people close to him anymore and that is exactly what you should do if you want to drive him crazy.

After all, these were also your friends and he doesn’t have the right to kick you out of their lives.

This way, he’ll be constantly worried about the things you might find out or give away about him.

Also, you’ll have a chance to kill him with kindness. He certainly won’t be able to stand it when everyone he loves starts complimenting you and constantly saying nice things about you.

Just make sure not to appear pathetic while doing this. Let him know that you don’t plan on getting back together with him, but that you’re not going anywhere.

Make sure everyone knows what he did to you

three friends talking on the bench

Publicly embarrassing your ex for all of his misdeeds is one of the most effective ways of revenge.

Remember that his actions talk about him only and there is no shame in telling everyone about the way he treated you.

You are his victim and you are not to blame for putting up with him or not knowing better.

This especially goes if your ex was an abuser – in this case, you have a moral obligation to talk loudly about everything that has happened because it’s a way of helping other victims.

First and foremost, tell everyone you know what an asshole your ex is.

Make sure all of his closest friends and family members stop appreciating him and change their views on him.

If you have some proof for his. infidelity or abuse, for example, don’t hesitate to share it with the rest of the world.

Some people go as far as putting up huge posters and billboards that have the purpose of shaming their ex.

There are cases in which women keyed an ex boyfriend’s car with the word “cheater” or painted all over it with the same word.

At first, you’ll probably feel awful about bad-mouthing the person you spent a long time with.

Nevertheless, remember that you aren’t making up lies about him, you’re just spreading the truth and warning people about the real him.

Also, talking trash about him will probably change his reputation and, indirectly, you’ll help some girl save herself from him.

Look your best

attractive young woman posing

Whether we’d like to admit it or not, men are visual creatures.

That means that the first thing they notice about someone is their physical appearance. And this especially goes for the opposite sex.

While you and your ex were in a relationship, naturally, you weren’t always fully dressed up.

You guys spent so much time together that he had the chance to see all of your forms and looks.

So, consequently, he probably forgot what a bombshell you actually are. Well, it’s time to remind him about that.

It’s time for you to look your best. If it’s necessary, start exercising, renew your wardrobe, change your haircut.

Do whatever it takes to become the most attractive version of yourself.

The next step is to accidentally run in your ex looking as amazing as you do.

If you and your ex are still friends on social media, post pictures of your makeover and watch him go crazy.

Trust me, before you know it, this guy will see what he lost and he’ll start regretting it.

He’ll start worrying if there is some other guy in your life whose attention you drew or if someone new will fall for you.

Erase all of your memories together

woman deleting photos on laptop

If you’re trying to figure out how to get revenge on your ex, know that acting as if he never existed in your life is one of the most effective ways to do it.

By doing this, you won’t only make him believe that you are completely over him, but you’ll also convince him that he never mattered to you and there is nothing more painful than that.

The best thing to do is to act completely indifferent when you run into him. Don’t show him that you are still hurt and don’t be too happy for seeing him either.

Delete all of your pictures together and give him back all of his stuff.

This way, you’ll show him that you want to forget that he was ever a part of your life and that you want to delete every trace he’s ever existed.

Make him think you have someone new

woman kissing man nose

Finding a rebound and jumping into a new relationship right after a painful breakup is not cut out for everyone.

Yes, some people claim that this is the most effective way to move on from a romance that was doomed to fail, while others say that doing this only makes things worse.

Well, before using someone just to make your ex jealous, consider the option of only making him believe that you have someone new without actually going back in the dating pool, if that is something you don’t yet feel ready to do.

Trust me, acting like you have someone new is a piece of cake and will make your ex go out of his mind.

You can always ask a friend to pretend to be your boyfriend and show up somewhere you know your ex will see you, holding this guy’s hand.

Or you can simply tell everyone you both know that you have someone new and that you’re in love like never before.

young woman talking on phone

If necessary, you can send yourself flowers or do a similar romantic gesture and pretend that it’s an act of your new boyfriend.

Either way, the point is the same: your ex has to feel like he is completely irrelevant for you in contrast to this new guy in your life.

He has to think that he hasn’t touched your heart and that you forgot all about him, thanks to this man you’ve recently met.

Of course, this imaginary boyfriend has to be better than him in all aspects because that will hurt your ex’s ego the most.

The new guy has to be more handsome, smarter, wealthier, funnier… and he has to give you all the love your ex never did.

Don’t worry, you’re not crazy for doing things like this. You just have a clear goal and you’re doing everything possible to achieve it.

Play with his mind

smiling woman looking at phone

Another thing you can do if you’re wondering how to get revenge on your ex is to start playing mind games with him.

Confuse him and make him think the is the crazy one.

One day, act like you still love him and as if you’d do anything just to have him back.

Then, the next day, start acting like you couldn’t care less about him and that you wouldn’t get back together with him even if he was the last man on earth.

One day, pay him ten phone calls and then just like that change your number and email address.

Raise his hopes and then crush them the very next moment. Send him all types of mixed signals and unclear hints.

Tease him and then give him the cold shoulder.

Do whatever it takes just so he doesn’t know where he stands. Make him wonder what you really want and become the cause of his sleepless nights.

Use social media to your advantage

young woman holding phone in cafe

Modern dating is practically impossible to imagine without social media.

And even though sometimes they can bring more bad than good to a romantic relationship, when you’re trying to get revenge on your ex, and if you use them right, social media will be your greatest ally.

First and foremost, here you can see what this guy has been up to – where and with whom he hangs out.

This can help you in all those situations where you want to accidentally run into him.

Also, you can tease him by posting photos with your new boyfriend.

If you want to go the extra mile just to hurt your ex, make sure he sees that you call your new boyfriend the same names you used to call him or that you dedicate the same songs to him.

This way, he’ll see that he was nothing more than one of the guys in a row, that he was nowhere near special and that the hasn’t left a mark in your life.

However, if you don’t want to go this far, you can only use your social media profile to post photos of yourself.

Make sure your ex sees that you’re always having a good time – you partying, hanging out with people, travelling, and most importantly, looking better than ever.

Make yourself happier than ever

happy woman standing in the flower field

I’m sure that you’ve probably heard this thousands of times: no revenge is the best revenge. And that is not far from the truth.

However, I would change this and tell you that self-love and being happy are indeed the best types of revenge.

I know that hearing this probably sounds like an empty phrase for you now, but people really can’t stand it when they see that they haven’t managed to destroy you.

And your ex is no exception. No matter what exactly he’s done to you, the point is that he would like to see you pathetic and miserable.

He’d enjoy knowing that you can’t make it without him and that he scarred your heart for good.

Even if he’s moved on, he’ll always be happier if you’re stuck in the same place than seeing you becoming the best possible version of yourself.

However, this is exactly what you should do: make yourself happier than ever. Work on improving yourself, in spite of him.

Show this man that he hasn’t taken you down and that you’re way stronger than he thought.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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