Dealing with breakup

20 Things I Learned After I Stopped Chasing Him


1. You can’t catch happiness.

happy woman standing in the field

You can’t force it to knock on your door. It will happen but not when you want it to. It will happen when the time is right.

2. No man is worthy of that much of your time.

sexy man holding sunglasses in hand

He was only wasting my time and he strung me along. He knew nothing was going to happen between the two of us but he liked the attention. So, I stopped chasing him and started valuing myself and my time a little bit more.

3. Waiting for a text for more than an hour means he doesn’t like you.

worried woman looking at phone

If he really liked you, he would be impatient and he would have his phone on him just in case you texted him. He couldn’t wait to hear from you.

Anything else means he is just not that interested.

4. We always end up chasing the wrong ones.

worried girl sitting on the roof

The moment I realized he wasn’t worth chasing or giving him any kind of attention, and I gave up, another man walked into my life.

A man who deserved to be chased but a man who didn’t let me chase him.

A man who chased me.

5. A person has to be brutally honest sometimes.

calm young woman meditates outdoor

That’s the only way to save yourself from bad relationships and heartbreaks. You have to be straight about what you like and don’t like.

You have to be transparent about what you want.

6. I felt unwanted because of him.

sad woman sitting on her bed

He made me feel that way. He rejected me in a way. He never said those actual words of rejection but the fact that he kept his mouth shut was a rejection in itself.

So, I felt like shit, I felt undesirable but just because he didn’t like me, that didn’t mean no one else did. I was just blind to see that. I saw only him.

7. I wanted true love and he wanted something on the side.

couple standing away from each other

Let’s say we weren’t on the same page.

8. Boys play games, unlike men.

happy man posing outdoor

Men are honest and mature. Men don’t string you along. Men mean what they say.

9. Almost relationships are torture.

sad asian woman looking away

You’re always chasing someone who cannot be caught. You’re trying your best, you’re making their wishes come true but there is nothing in it for you.

You end up empty-handed and hurt.

10. You are the one who deserves to be chased.

beautiful woman posing next to the blooming tree

You’re smart and beautiful, and men should have to fight over you. Don’t let yourself chase anyone, it never ends well.

11. You’ll wonder if there is something wrong with you.

sad woman in deep thoughts

You’ll feel like you’re not good enough because despite your efforts, that person still doesn’t appreciate you.

A bunch of insecurities will come to the surface and a lot of time will have to pass for you to realize that it wasn’t your fault he sent you mixed signals.

12. You’re allowed to plan one or two dates but nothing more.

blond woman in deep thoughts

If you’re the one planning where you’ll go next, it means that you’re the only one trying.

13. Never get up and go to him in the middle of the night, especially if you haven’t heard from him in a few days.

sad woman looking at phone in bed

He’s only calling because he needs someone by his side. He needs fun, distraction or whatever. He is not serious about you.

14. Don’t date him if he is not sure about you from the start.

business man looking through the window

He isn’t going to change his mind. He is going to string you along until something better comes along.

A man in love won’t spend a second longer than he needs in order to be with you.

15. You can’t force someone to date you.

sad woman holding a rose while man leaving

You like him, okay, but if the feeling is not mutual, the best case scenario is that you end up in a one-sided relationship.

16. There is no hidden meaning in his words.

worried young woman looking at phone

I know that every time he messages you or sends you something, you’re trying to figure out whether he meant something else.

You’re hoping that his indifference toward you is actually love, in a hidden meaning.

17. You’re going to hate him for making you give him everything and getting nothing in return.

blond woman laying in high grass

That infatuation from the beginning will turn into resentment.

18. No matter how attractive he is, don’t fall for him.

handsome man posing

He’s picked up so many women like that before you and it always ended up the same. They were all chasing him.

19. One thing is for sure, he is never going to change his mind.

young handsome man sitting in deep thoughts

So if you comfort yourself with the thought that he’ll change, you’re wrong. That is only prolonging your agony.

20. Chasing never ends well.

young woman with closed eyes standing on the beach

Look for someone who likes you as much as you like him. That relationship has the potential to be a happy one.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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