Getting over him

7 Tips On How To Stop Obsessing Over A Guy Who Doesn’t Give A Damn About You


The first thing you need to understand is that there are plenty of fish in the sea, so stop obsessing over that particular one, especially if that fish just doesn’t want to bite your hook bait.

There is just no point because the only outcome of this situation is you getting hurt.

And another thing is that while you’re fishing for the wrong one, the right one may just slip through your fingers because you’ve put all your energy in a person who doesn’t deserve it.

Being hooked on the wrong guy has become a Hollywood cliché. Almost every romantic Hollywood plot begins with a young and beautiful woman who aches for a guy who is completely uninterested or he is just a friend.

But, she doesn’t give up. If he is a friend, she will continue to hurt in silence, misreading all the signals he is sending her in the hope he’ll come around.

He probably even has a girlfriend and, as all good friends do, she patiently sits and listens to his love problems, hoping the things between them will fall apart and he will suddenly open his eyes and realize that his true love has been right in front of him all along.

Or, she will ache for the guy who doesn’t even know she exists. She will suffer in silence and she will make peace with the fact that she is never going to be with him, but her heart will refuse to move on.

She will watch him from a distance and she will continue breaking her own heart because she is hooked on him and doesn’t want to let go.

But unlike real life, these stories always have a happy ending.

That guy who was her friend suddenly realizes he has been in love with her this whole time and they live happily after.

Or that guy who has never noticed her suddenly opens his eyes and has an epiphany—he falls in love with her immediately.

Well, in real life, things usually don’t go that way. Usually, you waste your life and time on someone who is just not right for you and he could never be because you don’t have the right one.

It’s just that you didn’t find him yet because you’ve wasted time trying to impress someone else. And that leads to a broken heart and pain.

Spare yourself the pain and try to cut the problem at its root. Stop breaking your own heart by hoping he’ll come around.

Stop living in a romantic movie. You’ll have your moment and it won’t be a cheesy cliché.

It will be the most romantic moment of your life and it will be your happily ever after. But first, learn how to stop obsessing over a guy who’s not into you.

1. Remember that he is not flawless

thoughtful woman sitting with her man at home

He is not that perfection you made him out to be. He is a human being just like you are and he has his quirks, like we all do.

He is not impeccable or almighty, so stop looking at him with rose-colored glasses and stop seeing only the good things he has done that swept you off your feet.

Stop for a second and try to look at the whole picture. Try to act like this situation doesn’t concern you, like you are observing him and his behavior for a friend.

Be objective and make a list of cons and pros and then read your cons and take a good look at them.

Once again, remember that no one is perfect. Maybe that should help you take him off of the pedestal you’ve put him on.

2. Forcing it will not help you

woman looking at man while holding his hand in street cafe

Even if you make him crazy and beg him to give you a chance and he folds, you are setting yourself up for a future heartbreak. There is no way something good will come out of that relationship.

If he wasn’t into you from the moment he saw you, if there is no connection between the two of you, it will never be.

3. Talk to your friends

Two serious friends are talking while sitting in a restaurant

If the person you go to for help really is your true friend, they will tell you the truth. They will tell you to leave this thing alone and to move on.

Also, when you’re blinded by obsession, emotions and a possible past you had with him, you can’t look at the whole picture, so your obsession grows even more.

You may even start imagining things, or give more meaning to things that are trivial.

That’s when a good friend is more than welcome. Try to present the problem that is bothering you with as many facts as possible and try to exclude your emotions from it.

Your true friend will tell you what you should do or you may come to a solution together because two heads are better than one.

Anyhow, it’s always nice to hear selfless and sincere advice from a person who cares for you deeply.

4. You’ll miss out on your best years

Woman sitting on a cliff

If you continue obsessing over someone who doesn’t know you exist or who sees you just as a friend or a friend with benefits, there’s a high chance that you’ll miss out on someone who truly wants to be with you.

If you continue to think about him, you’ll waste your youth and your best years.

Don’t allow yourself to spend the time of your life when you are supposed to have the most fun in tears and sorrow.

You deserve to have someone who will love you for who you are. You deserve someone who will be happy to wake up by your side every morning.

You deserve someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with you.

5. Stop social stalking

close-up photo of woman typing on her phone

Looking at his Facebook profile won’t get you anywhere except to heartbreak.

You’ll stalk him, look at his amazing photos, see where he is going and with who he is with and it will only make you sad and maybe even jealous.

You’ll get sucked into an infinite hole of previous information and girlfriends.

Your obsession will just keep growing as you reveal new things about him. It will be like you’re addicted. You will just keep wanting more.

6. Get back your self-worth

Woman sitting on brown armchair

Sit down and have a chat with yourself. Remind yourself how amazing you are.

Remind yourself that you don’t need anyone to be happy, especially not someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Why are you denying yourself the opportunity to meet someone who will never let you out of his sight and who will protect you from everything and everyone?

You need to realize that if you go on a date with someone and they don’t call you back, it’s not your fault. You are not the one to blame if he didn’t like you but you liked him.

You need to be patient because if you stick to the one who doesn’t want to be with you, you’ll miss out on the one who does.

7. Don’t let him take advantage of you

Portrait of young couple having a conflict in the park

By liking him and getting nothing in return, you’re just going to stay in his shadow.

He knows that he can count on you no matter what and he will use you to get what he wants.

Don’t allow yourself to be someone’s causality, someone’s convenient tool for the time he needs it.

He can also lure you in, giving you enough attention just to keep you hooked.

He’ll say something or he’ll ‘open up’ and give you a reason to think he is into you when he’s not. Don’t fall for that and keep your self-respect.

Remember that you are one special person. Don’t undermine and disrespect yourself.

You have to be proud of who you are because one day, someone who has been waiting for you will knock on your door.

So, make sure you are there when he does instead of chasing someone who couldn’t care less.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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