Getting over him

He Broke You But You Will Get Your Spark Back


When someone who meant the world to you walks away, everyone thinks that the shattering of your heart is what hurts the most.

I won’t lie to you—having it crushed into millions of pieces is devastating and painful and often looks like the biggest disaster of all time.

At first, you are numbed by the initial shock.

You’re in denial and refuse to accept that something like this has happened.

You refuse to face the parts of your heart you need to rebuild and you assume that suppressing your emotions will make you feel better.

depressed woman sitting on the couch

However, after a little while, all the pain hits you and to put it mildly, it starts to feel like you’ve been stabbed in the stomach.

It’s almost like you’re going through physical pain that prevents you from breathing properly and which you can’t explain.

You know you’re safe and sound but you feel dead on the inside.

Naturally, you think that this feeling will never go away.

You assume that you’ll spend the rest of your life walking around with this incredibly heavy rock in your gut and that every morning you wake up will be just a new agony.

woman lying on the bed

However, the pain goes away sooner or later. You go through a few different stages which all end with acceptance and sooner or later, your heartbreak stops being the only thing you can think of.

Of course, this doesn’t happen overnight, since it is a process that takes a lot of effort and energy. Nevertheless, eventually, time does its magic and it stitches your broken heart.

You take baby steps and after a while, you learn to breathe again. You catch yourself smiling and hope arises.

You think that this is it—you’re officially saved. Your broken heart is healed and you’re good to go.

Well, sadly, things don’t work that way. Because what hurts more than a shattered heart is the consequences this awful experience leaves on you.

thoughtful woman sitting on the sand

That is exactly what happened to you. This man didn’t just break your heart—he broke you as well.

He changed the person you were before you met him. He killed the innocent, naive girl who believed in people and who had faith in love.

He made the real you disappear and replaced you with this bitter, negative and cynical woman who trusts no one.

He erased the girl who followed her heart’s lead no matter what and instead, brought about a disappointed, guarded and overly careful woman who is trying her best to shut off her emotions because she is afraid of love.

Most importantly—he took away your spark. He killed your spirit and destroyed your optimism and enthusiasm.

angry man yelling on the woman

This man turned you into the walking dead.

Somewhere along the way, you stopped living and started existing and there is a huge difference between the two.

Let’s be honest—when was the last time you caught yourself being truly happy, without any specific reason?

The last time simple things like taking a dip in the ocean or seeing an incredible sunset thrilled you?

You can’t remember, right? Well, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.

woman sitting by the ocean

Nevertheless, even though you accepted the new you, I’m here to tell you that things won’t always be like this.

I promise you that one of these days, your spark will return. It will come unexpectedly, knocking on your door, and it will never abandon you again.

Don’t push yourself too hard and give yourself enough time to completely heal but remember that this will pass, the same way your heartbreak did.

You didn’t  lose yourself forever and you’ll get the girl you used to be back. Just be patient and don’t think about giving up just yet.

I won’t lie to you—the scars on your soul will remain there forever.

young woman with crossed hands

They will serve you as a reminder of the battles you went through and most importantly as a memory from the way you managed to survive.

However, you’ll manage to pick up the broken pieces of yourself and glue yourself back together.

You’ll succeed in rebuilding yourself to make an even stronger, updated version of the girl you once were.

And you know why? Because no matter what happens, what you go through or what some evil people do to you, you’re never broken beyond repair.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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