Dealing with breakup

My Head Says Let Him Go But My Heart Isn’t Listening


You would let me go. And as soon as I would even think of doing the same, you would come back, just to hurt me again.

Sometimes, I really felt like a toy inside of your childish hands. You’d  pick me up and play nicely.

Then all of a sudden, you’d simply toss me aside—like I am worthless.

I was always careful when it came to love. I made sure I was safe, and no one could come close to my heart.

But when I met you, I am still unable to describe that feeling right. It felt like nothing before.

You made my walls tumble down.

I fell in love so fast. I didn’t even realize what was happening. I just felt safe in your arms, like nothing could hurt me, like you were there to stay.

I was happy. I was at ease.

But I shouldn’t have let my guard down that easily. It hurts so much now. You aren’t the man I thought you were. You are just a spoiled child who thinks he deserves everything.

You would hurt me so much, then you would come back like nothing happened.

It would be calm and peaceful for a while, then the storm and thunder would hit again. You would never stay away for too long—something was pulling you next to me. Just like it was pulling me to you. I thought that was love.

You always said you will fix yourself. You had a lot of problems—mostly they were inside of you.

You would say you would change for me. My love will change you.

But it still doesn’t. It never will. You would be even worse next time around.

I loved you anyway. The good and the bad.

No wonder I felt the way I did, we were completely and utterly obsessed with each other. We had a passion that you rarely come across.

I miss kissing you. It was something else. We were kissing each other like it was the only thing keeping us alive.

But it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

I need everything. Your heart. Your body. Your soul.

Just one of them isn’t enough.

I rationalized. I sorted everything out in my head. I knew you are not good for me. You were literally destroying me. Inside and out.

You were taking me for granted. Disrespecting me and making me feel worthless.

When you love somebody, like you said you loved me, you don’t do things like that. You don’t come and go. You stay no matter what. I told you that a million of times.

My head knows this. My mind made peace with the fact that it will never again be you and me.

But my heart….

My broken heart still loves you with all of his pieces.

It is just not letting you go.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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