Dealing with breakup

Disappearing From Social Media After A Breakup (All You Need To Know)


Social media platforms play a huge role when it comes to the stages of a breakup. Literally, if you don’t change your relationship status on social media, it’s like you didn’t even break up with someone.

After that, the following questions usually occupy your mind:

Should I stay or should I go?

Should I disappear from social media or not?

Wait, why did my ex disappear from social media?

Disappearing from social media after a breakup has its own benefits but also disadvantages. Sometimes, it can help you get your ex back, and other times, it can help you keep your sanity.

Below you’ll learn all you need to know about the pros and cons of disappearing from social media after a breakup. Also, you’ll learn about the reasons your ex disappeared from social media platforms, which I find really interesting.

dissatisfied woman looking at her phone

Following the “no contact” rule after a breakup is strongly recommended, but should you also disappear from social media? Before doing anything, ask yourself why you want to do that in the first place.

Do you still have feelings for your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, and do you think disappearing from the virtual world will help you get them back?

Do you think disappearing from social media will help you move on faster?

Yes and no.

There are other methods of reuniting with your ex, and moving on depends on so many factors. Disappearing from something is often linked with the inability to cope with the current situation. Running from something (your feelings) doesn’t mean it won’t catch up with you later.

Here are the most important pros and cons of disappearing from social media after a breakup to help you decide what exactly you should do:

The Pros Of Disappearing From Social Media After A Breakup

woman reads book instead of using phone

The biggest advantage of disappearing from social networks after a breakup is spending quality time doing things other than thinking about and stalking your ex.

• Stalking your ex won’t be so tempting 

Right after breaking up, you enter the stage called “post-breakup stalking of your former significant other.” Checking your ex’s social media pages is always tempting (speaking from experience), but is it really a smart thing to do?

In most cases, it’s not. When you spend so much time stalking your ex or posting your ex on social media, you stop living your own life. So, when you disappear from social media, you realize that the past is over and that it’s time to focus on yourself and your mental health.

You enter the post-breakup glow-up phase.

You’re no longer a slave to your ex’s social media posts. Instead, you’re living your best life far away from your ex, virtually and mentally.

• You’ll have more time to do other things than stalking your ex

Stalking your ex or your mutual friends can be really tiring. You’ll probably spend a great amount of time wondering whether your ex is in a new relationship or if they’ve moved on.

But why would you waste your time on all that? When you disappear from social media, it can be easier for you to start the healing process. If you notice that your mind is constantly preoccupied with questions about your ex, then you know it’s time to shut down your social media (at least for the time being).

Focus on doing things that you enjoy and hanging out with people who add value to your life. Focus on becoming the best you can be.

• A social media detox is always a good thing

Having social media accounts is often linked with stress and negative feelings. Living in the virtual world is not our natural habitat. Therefore, having a social media detox once in a while is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Seeing happy couples on social media can influence your well-being and self-esteem. You might feel like you’re doing something wrong with your life and that you’ll never be in a happy relationship like others.

Real life is tough. Just because others look happy on their social media accounts doesn’t mean that’s completely true. Every single one of us has our own path in love and life.

Therefore, a social media detox is ALWAYS a good thing, especially after a breakup.

The Cons Of Disappearing From Social Media After A Breakup

worried man staring at his phone

Are you still unsure whether you should stay on social media or go? Below you’ll find the most common negative aspects of disappearing from social media after a breakup.

• Your ex might think you still have feelings for them

Let’s be honest with ourselves. When we still have feelings for our exes, we tend to run as far away as we can from them. It’s in our nature to do so.

This also includes disappearing from social media. However, we don’t think that our exes would connect this with our feelings for them.

We don’t think that they would perceive this as an attempt to let go of everything, including our feelings for them. If going “no contact” (giving them the silent treatment) is not enough for you to be at peace, but you have to disappear from social media, then you know you have a problem.

And your ex will too. Does that bother you or not? That is the question.

• Your friends and family might find it rude

When you disappear from social media, it’s like you vanish into thin air. You no longer know what your ex is doing (which is a good thing), but you also don’t know what your friends or family are doing.

Your friends and family might find it rude because you will no longer be connected as much as you were when you were active on your social media accounts.

You can always tell them that it’s only temporary. After all, it’s your life, and you shouldn’t worry much about what others will think of your decision to abandon social media for a while.

• The fear of missing out

Here comes the greatest fear in human history! It’s popularly called FOMO (the fear of missing out). So, when you’re no longer on social media, you have no idea what others are doing, what’s trending, which memes are popular, and so on.

In a way, you feel like you’re missing out on so many things happening there. But maybe this is only in your head and has nothing to do with the real perception of “social media abandonment.”

The fear of missing out can interfere with how you function on a daily basis. You might start constantly reminding yourself of the fact that you’re missing out on all the fun in the virtual world.

Here’s what I think: If you follow your heart and live in the moment, then you know you’re not missing out on anything.

man holding phone

My ex disappeared from social media. Why did they do that? Do they still have feelings for me? Or are they cutting ties with their old self and celebrating a new beginning? Here are the most common reasons your ex disappeared from social media after the breakup:

1. Your ex got tired of stalking you

We often think that our exes live in a different dimension when it comes to breakups. When we stalk them, we think that they don’t do the same thing.

When we think of them, we’re 100% sure they never think of us. Well, think again. One of the reasons why your ex disappeared from social media after you broke up could be that they got tired of stalking you.

Digital Trends confirms this with the following example: “According to a study conducted by a Western University student completing her Masters’ thesis, approximately 88 percent of Facebook users who went through a relationship breakup in the last twelve months use the social network to keep an eye on their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.”

Your ex got tired of checking your profile 10 (or more) times a day and reminding themselves of your breakup. Needless to say, this is truly exhausting. It makes it hard for you to focus on things you’re doing now.

Your ex knows this all too well, and that is why they decided to quit checking your social media profiles. Given that this is usually easier said than done, they simply decided to disappear from the virtual world.

2. They want to leave their past relationship behind

sad man looking out the window

I mean, who doesn’t? Here’s the thing. When you’re constantly checking your ex’s profile, you haven’t even started the healing process because you still feel connected to your ex. Instead, you’re running in circles and thinking about too many what-ifs.

Maybe that’s exactly what your ex was doing. They didn’t know how to move on because some invisible force constantly redirected them to you.

Just like you, they also want to leave the past relationship behind, but sometimes there is no other way to do that but to disappear from social media.

Disappearing from social networks is often a synonym for a new beginning. Or is it a synonym for hiding from your old life?

We can call it whatever we want, but one thing is for sure: Your ex wants to leave the past relationship behind, and that is why they decided to disappear from social media.

3. They’re soul-searching

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but social media definitely sucks the “soul” out of you. Infinite scrolling, random annoying posts, and constant notifications for every single thing can really drain you.

When you add your ex to the equation, then you know it’s time for a social media detox. That’s exactly what your ex is going through at the moment.

They decided to run away from their old life (read: past relationship) and reconnect with their true self. They’re soul-searching, and this cannot be done in a toxic environment. By that, I mean an environment where every single thing reminds you of your ex.

4. They feel guilty

man uses phone in cafe

What was the reason you two broke up in the first place? Did they cheat on you? Did they say something they might regret later?

If your ex disappeared from social media, it could be that they feel guilty for hurting you. They can’t live peacefully knowing that they’re the ones to blame for hurting your feelings or ruining your relationship.

I always say that regret is one of the strongest emotions out there. At first, it forces us to run away from the “crime scene” to feel better about ourselves. However, that never happens.

The more we run from ourselves, the more restless we become. If your ex feels guilty, they decide to disappear from social media to forget about everything that happened.

When they realize that this feeling still haunts them, they will come back to social media and eventually initiate a conversation with you.

5. They still have feelings for you

When you still have feelings for someone you broke up with, you feel helpless and wish you could hide somewhere from the burden of unrequited feelings.

You can’t really hide from your feelings in a literal sense, but you can disappear from social networks. Just because your ex is no longer on social media, this doesn’t mean that they no longer have feelings for you.

On the contrary, it could mean they’re hurting after the breakup. Or they just needed some time to think about their next move.

Maybe they want to get back together with you but aren’t sure whether this is a good idea. Time always answers our questions, and your ex knows this too.

6. They’re in a rebound relationship

man texting on his phone in the middle of the street

Entering a new relationship when you’re still not healed emotionally is called being in a rebound relationship. It’s when you feel this uncontrollable urge to redirect your emotions to someone else before you “explode.”

Rebound relationships often start abruptly and end up with consequences. For example, when your ex decided to disappear from social media, they did that to trick themselves into thinking they’d moved on.

They wanted to trick their brain into believing they were ready to enter a new relationship. So, now they’re in a rebound relationship, thinking that everything is going fine. This is usually not the case.

So, do rebound relationships make you miss your ex more?

Yes. Sooner or later, they will have to deal with the emotions they redirected to someone else. You can’t start building a new relationship before you’re fully healed from the previous one.

7. They feel pressured

When you break up with someone and change your relationship status to “single,” you can expect to receive tons of comments and texts from random people.

Social media pressure is real, and it can make you regret breaking up in the first place. Perhaps your ex feels pressured by other people’s comments, your mutual friend’s questions, their family members, you name it.

The last thing you need is a million people giving you unsolicited advice on your recent breakup. Also, this is the last thing your ex needs in their life.

Because of that, they decided to disappear from social media after breaking up with you. They did it to preserve their well-being and be at peace with themselves.

man types in bed

You know your ex misses you on social media if they like your posts and comment on them. This is especially true if they like your older posts. What does this mean? It means they’ve been spending hours on your profile, looking at your photos and posts.

Here’s how you know for sure that your ex misses you on social media:

• Checking your posts is their favorite daily activity

They do this because they miss you a lot. Looking at your photos and posts gives them instant relief because you’re still on their mind.

They scroll through their social media feed without paying attention to anything else but your posts. They never miss the opportunity to press “like” or write a comment.

Why would they do that when you’re no longer together? Because they think about you a lot and still want to be part of your life.

They’re scared that you’ll meet someone new or that they’ll miss an important update regarding your job or other activities.

• Frequently liking your older posts

I bet every single one of us has experienced this at a certain point. You’re checking the photos of someone you still care about (it can be your ex or your crush), and then BOOM, you press like without actually wanting to do it.

You put your phone down, close your eyes, and pray that this is only a dream. When your open your eyes, you realize that this actually happened. You liked their old photo from 2011, and now it’s 2022! Oh, no.

Now, what does it mean when someone frequently likes your older posts? It means that they aren’t even ashamed of doing it. Actually, they want you to know they’re doing it.

So, if your ex accidentally or voluntarily likes your older posts, there’s a hidden reason for that. The reason is: They still miss you.

See also: When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup? Inside His Mind

• Posting more content than usual (read: craving attention)

man takes photo of nature

When someone craves attention, they usually start doing lots of different things for others to notice them. In this particular case, when your ex craves your attention on social media, they will post more content than they usually do.

They’ll do this so that your feed contains 70% of their content. In other words, whenever you start scrolling through your social media feed, you’ll see their post.

When you see their post, you’ll think of them (or at least that’s what they hope to achieve). Maybe they’re waiting for you to text them or comment on their post.

Or they’re at the stage when they’re thinking of sending you text messages but aren’t sure whether that’s the right decision.

Your mutual friends play an important role on social media after a breakup. As a matter of fact, their posts play an essential role.

If your ex uses every opportunity to comment on the posts of your mutual friends, they do it for a reason. They do it because they know you’ll see it and perhaps also comment on that post.

As long as they’re commenting on posts of your mutual friends, they also feel connected to you because they know you’ll see it. Evidently, they miss you so much that they can’t stop trying to grab your attention in various ways, including throwing comments.

See also: This Is How To Stop Thinking About Your Ex With Someone Else

• Posting sad content

This is a whole different level. When your ex mentions or posts sad content like a sad song, then this shouldn’t mean anything. However, if their entire social media feed abounds with sad songs, then you know what this means.

It means they feel horrible about breaking up with you and want you to see that through the sad content that they post on a regular basis.

They want to get back together, but they don’t know how to tell you this, so they let their posts speak on their behalf. I must admit that this is really witty, right?

Wrapping It Up

sad woman looking at her phone

Disappearing from social media after a breakup can be a good idea, but it can also be a terrible one. It all depends on how you feel about your breakup.

Are you ready to move on, or do you just want to grab your ex’s attention by disappearing from social media? Do you think your ex still has feelings for you?

Social media can help you learn so many things about yourself and your ex after a breakup. However, it is recommended that you do the healing part in the real world, not the virtual one.

Disappearing from social media will never help you move on if you still have strong feelings for them. Posting multiple photos of yourself will not encourage them to contact you.

If you’re meant to get back together, it will happen naturally, not because either of you disappeared from social media.Here’s my final wise tip: Listen to your gut, believe in baby steps, and take care of yourself and your heart.


Category: Dealing with breakup

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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