Getting over him

Stop Holding A Place In Your Heart For The Man Who Doesn’t Want To Be In It


The world would be a much happier place if we could decide how and who to love.

It would be a hell of a lot easier if we could just snap our fingers and kick someone who is wrong for us right out of our systems, never to think about them again.

However, sadly things don’t work like that at all, do they now?

Nevertheless, sometimes, this is exactly the thing you have to do, even when it seems like mission impossible.

Sometimes, you need to be strong enough and decide to stop loving someone who is obviously not worthy of you, someone who is making your life miserable.

Sometimes, you need to stop waiting for a man who won’t return to come back.

To stop having a reserved seat for him in your life when it’s obvious that he doesn’t want it.

I know you keep on building up all of your hopes, thinking that this man you love so deeply will change.

I know you hold on tight to the thought that eventually, he’ll come to his senses and that things between you guys will become different.

I hate to be the one to break your bubble and the one to break your heart, but I have to tell you that none of this will ever happen.

Instead, he will remain the same douchebag he’s always been, and you’ll waste more of your time if you continue keeping a place in your heart for him.

I don’t want to be cruel, but this guy obviously doesn’t love you back, and he clearly doesn’t deserve you trying around him.

What is even worse–he doesn’t want your love either.

He doesn’t respect your feelings, he doesn’t appreciate your sacrifices, and he doesn’t cherish your loving heart.

So what more proof do you need to understand that he isn’t worthy of you?

What else does he have to do to make you finally realize that he’ll never become the man you need him to be and that he’ll never be capable of giving you the love you need?

What does it take for you to finally throw him out of your heart?

For you to stop making excuses for him and for you to stop justifying him?

I know that all of this time, you are looking for reasons.

You can’t help but wonder why he doesn’t love you the way he should, and why he is doing everything possible to chase you away from him.

I know that you want an explanation, some closure to help you move on.

Is he incapable of loving in general or is it just you whom he cannot love?

Well, darling, it’s time you accept that these are the questions which will always remain unanswered, the same way you need to accept that waiting for him is in vain.

And after all, knowing all of these things wouldn’t change anything, would it? So why do you keep bothering with it?

Instead of torturing your mind, thinking about this man and wasting your time on waiting for him to come to his senses, focus all of your energy on your final goal and that is to remove him from your system.

It is to stop giving him the love he doesn’t deserve, to stop beating yourself up for him, and to stop giving him the attention he is not entitled to.

I won’t lie to you–this will be everything but easy.

Nevertheless, it is something that has to be done for your own good.

It’s time you look the harsh truth in the eyes and acknowledge the fact that you are nothing but a back up plan and a safety net to this man.

A girl who will put her life on hold for him whenever he feels like it.

For you to accept that you’ll never be his priority and first choice.

It’s time to leave this road to nowhere and start walking on the path of moving on.

Time to take your life in your own hands and to choose to love yourself more than you love this douchebag.

Most importantly, it’s time to choose healing over hurting.

To choose letting go over holding on, the future over the past, and happiness over grief.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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