Getting over him

3 Things To Remember When Your Ex Moves On Before You


Sadly, after ending a long-term relationship, many couples start acting like moving on is a competition.

Who will be the first one to find a new partner? Who will post more selfies which show that they’re doing great and that they don’t miss a thing from their previous life? Sounds familiar, right?

Whether you like to admit it or not, somehow you got yourself dragged into the same situation. And what is even worse, it appears that your ex-boyfriend has moved on before you did.

You’re still lamenting your love and you’re still grieving your relationship while he’s out there, living his life like you were never a part of it. Naturally, you feel like the weaker one and like the one who loved more.

If this is something you can relate to, here are some things to remember.

1. Healing is a process

3 Things To Remember When Your Ex Moves On Before You

First and foremost, you need to remember that healthy healing never happens overnight. Yes, it is possible for you to deceive yourself and others, lying that you’ve moved on completely and forgotten all about your past in just a few days.

However, that is far from the truth. In fact, repressing your emotions and pretending to be better than you actually are will just make things worse.

Your pain will get to you sooner or later so it is way better to process things in time than to brush them under the carpet, expecting them to magically go away.

Just because it looks like your ex has continued with his life and just because it appears he’s forgotten all about you, doesn’t make it true.

He might be doing all of it on purpose and to hurt you. Or maybe he thinks it is not manly to suffer so he puts on an act of a tough guy who left his past behind.

Either way, this shouldn’t concern you. Even if he really did manage to move on so quickly, the last thing you should do is compare yourself to him.

We all recover at a different pace. Just because your process is taking a bit longer, it doesn’t make you any weaker and it doesn’t mean that you won’t move on eventually.

2. This doesn’t annul your history

3 Things To Remember When Your Ex Moves On Before You

The first thing that probably goes through your mind the second you see that your ex has moved on is the fact that he never loved you for real.

You start to think that you were irrelevant, that you were just one girl in a row for him and that you didn’t leave any impact on his life whatsoever.

Let’s face it—these thoughts can hurt even more than the break-up itself. After all, it seems he’s gotten over you so fast that you start doubting your entire relationship and everything that you two went through.

Well, let me tell you that thinking like this is a huge mistake.

First of all, your relationship is a part of your past and nobody can change that. You shouldn’t allow this man’s present actions to destroy your memory of everything beautiful you two went through.

No matter what he is doing right now, he can’t erase the fact that he was your boyfriend and that you guys shared some intense feelings.

3. Moving on isn’t just jumping into a new relationship

3 Things To Remember When Your Ex Moves On Before You

The last but definitely not the least important thing you mustn’t forget when your ex moves on before you is that a rebound relationship doesn’t equal healing. Moving forward is much more than finding a new romantic partner.

Just because you saw him with another girl, it doesn’t mean that he’s gotten over you completely.

This is especially the case if your ex has been jumping from one relationship to the next because that is living proof that he can’t cope with the fact that he’s lost you.

So, please, don’t even think of looking for comfort in other guys because you’ll just hurt yourself even more. Don’t do anything you’re not ready for just to get even with your ex or to meet the world’s expectations.

Instead, wait until you’re ready to make some changes in your life. Take all the time you need and let it do its magic.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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