Getting over him

How To Stop Missing Someone: 10 Easy Steps To Freedom


We all know that the worst pain of all is a heartbreak. Well, missing someone is like breaking your heart every day, again and again. 

No matter what that person you’re missing means to you and no matter what the reason was for your separation, the pain is there and it always hurts the same.

That pain of your heartache makes you think that there is no right answer to ‘how to stop missing someone you love’. 

Fortunately, that’s only the pain speaking. There are some proven methods on how you can deal with the pain of missing someone in a healthy way

Pining for someone who let you go or was taken away from you affects your mental health.

You become overwhelmed by so many negative feelings and dark thoughts and then it starts affecting all other aspects of your life.

How Long Does It Take To Stop Missing Someone?

woman looking through window during daytime

Honestly speaking, this is a question no one can give you the right answer to. I put it here only because I knew this would be the first thing you would ask. 

I know that time has become so important in our lives today. We all rush through life like we’re running out of time. 

We want to get through a break-up fast, we want to meet the love of our life immediately, we want to have it all right away. 

That’s not how the world functions. You have to fight and try hard to get what you want. You have to learn how to stop missing someone or letting go of someone who left you. 

The most important thing is that you have to give yourself time, to organize your thoughts, to understand your feelings, to heal, to let it go, to move on.  

We’re all different and we all function differently. Everyone grieves differently. Everyone heals differently.

How long it takes to stop missing our loved one differs from person to person. There is no actual timetable for that. 

One person doesn’t need much time; when they decide they’re done with missing a person, that’s it. Another person will need some more time and that’s perfectly okay. 

You’re allowed to take as much time as you need. First, you have to heal your broken heart, then you’ll find a way to stop missing the person who isn’t there anymore. 

You have to check in with yourself daily. Avoiding talking about it or even worse, denying it, won’t help you. 

Sooner or later, you’ll have to deal with it. Believe me, the longer you put it off, the harder it will be for you to deal with. 

You have to process your feelings and that takes time. You can take advice from other people but in the end, you should do whatever you think is going to help you ease the pain. 

See also: If You Miss Someone, Can They Feel It? Yes, And Here’s Why

How To Stop Missing Your Ex?

No matter who initiated the breakup or what the reason for it was, if you truly loved your partner, you will be missing them. 

You spent some part of your life with that one person and it’s perfectly normal that you miss them or the relationship you had. 

Sometimes that feeling completely overwhelms you and it prevents you from thinking clearly about what happened or what you can do about it. 

This is how you’ll shift your focus back to yourself and stop missing that one person who didn’t even deserve you in the first place.  

1. Write down everything you feel

woman writing on white paper while sitting on grass

Start a journal and use that journal as your private psychologist. Pour your feelings onto a piece of paper by writing down everything you feel. 

Trust me, it worked for me, it’ll work for you too. Most people don’t feel comfortable sharing some of their deepest emotions with another human being; that’s why this method is going to work for you for sure. 

Make a list. I called mine ‘The pros and cons of dating him’. You can call yours whatever you want, then write down all the good and bad sides of your relationship with him. 

You have to be brutally honest, that’s very important, then weigh up those pros and cons and I’m sure everything will become more clear to you.

You’ll see that you were actually stuck in a toxic relationship. You’ll come to the conclusion that your ex actually never even deserved you. 

Write down all the good memories you can think of that you shared with your ex-boyfriend, add to it all the bad things that happened in your relationship and then do the math again.

I’m sure there were a lot of great moments in your relationship but I’m also sure that there were some terrible and awful periods that can make you forget the good ones. 

Your journal will also serve as a great reminder for you after you definitely let go of your ex. It’ll remind you how strong and brave you were and how you manage to let go of a person who meant so much to you. 

2. Write them one last message

woman in white shirt writing in room

You’re allowed to send them one last message but hey, it really must be THE LAST ONE. That’ll be your much-needed closure. 

Write everything you feel now and how you felt when you ended your relationship. If it’s too much for a text message, then write them a letter. 

Be honest. Admit to them how you still miss them but emphasize how this message isn’t your attempt to get them back.

Tell them how you’re trying to move on and stop missing them and how this is the one last step you have to take in order to do that. 

Tell them how angry you are because they left you and you can’t make your heart stop loving or missing them. 

Remind them of the last year and how everything was different before. Remind them how much fun you had together and how much you loved each other once. 

Don’t be too pathetic. Maybe you’re afraid that you’ll never be able to move on but they don’t have to know that. 

3. Block them on your social media

blonde woman holding phone standing outdoor

There is no need to spy on them on your social media as it’ll only make things worse. When you see the photos they post on their social media, it’ll only make you miss them more. 

If they post about a song you like or a movie you watched together, you’ll think that they posted it for you and it’ll get your hopes up that they want to be with you again.

You’ll only be more disappointed once you realize that’s not the case. You’ll start thinking about how it’s for some other woman, how they’ve already found someone new. 

Actually, the most important reason why you should block your ex on their social media is because only then will you be safe from drunk- texting them. 

This reminds me, you should also delete their number from your phone. I hope you don’t know it by heart though because otherwise all of this is pointless. 

4. Delete all the photos of your ex-boyfriend

woman sitting on side of railings looking at phone

You don’t need anything that can remind you of him. Their photos and all the photos where you two are together can delay your process of healing. 

Don’t waste your time lying in bed and crying over their photos all day long as that’ll also make you miss them more. 

You have to move on because your ex already has for sure. You have to leave your ex where he belongs; you have to leave him in the past. 

5. Spend time with your friends to distract you from thinking about them

two women sitting on cliff looking at ocean

Maybe you neglected your friends while you were in a relationship but don’t worry; it happens. If they are your true friends, they’ll understand and forgive you. 

Call them and invite them over or ask them to go out with you. Hang out with them more often. They were with you before your ex and they are with you now. What does it say to you? 

True friends will be with you forever. They’ll remain by your side no matter what happens. Your friendship means more to them than any other relationship in their life. 

Those people are the ones who truly love you and want only the best for you. Spending time with the people who truly love you is the best therapy ever, I swear. 

You can fake a smile as much as you want but they know that deep down, you’re suffering.

They know that your smile is only a facade because you won’t allow other people to see that you’re hurt and that you still miss the guy who left you. 

They’ll do everything they can to make you happy again, to see an honest smile on your face. They’ll try to distract you and keep you busy so you won’t have time to think about your ex. 

Your friends truly are your endorphins. They can make you feel good no matter how difficult your situation actually is. ​​​​​ 

6. Be open about trying new things

woman rolling dough for baking in kitchen

Try some new things, plan some adventures for yourself, get out of your comfort zone. Now you have so much free time, use it to do something you always wanted to do. 

This is a great opportunity for you to learn something like a new language or some arts and crafts. 

Try a new hobby. Start playing football or some other sport you like. Play computer games. Try some new recipes. 

Traveling is also great therapy for lonely souls or those who suffer in love. It distracts you from thinking about it but it’s also a good opportunity to meet new people or who knows, maybe even new love

7. Avoid things that can trigger old memories

woman sitting on rock looking at mountain

Avoid all the things that you two loved to do together as it’ll only remind you of your relationship and make you feel even worse. 

Avoid places that mean something to both of you.

Sure, you have some pleasant memories associated with certain places where you two went but reminding yourself of those moments won’t make you miss them any less; on the contrary, you’ll only miss them more. 

Avoid watching your favorite movies or listening to the songs that you both like. Avoid all the things that could trigger some memories of your past relationship. 

8. Avoid your mutual friends for a while

woman in white top standing on dock looking at water

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying that you should break friendships with your common friends just because you broke up with him. 

However, it would be better for you to avoid them for some time because they will talk about him in front of you.

They probably still hang out with him and they’ll know if he has moved on with his life already and it’s better for you to not find out that information. 

They’ll remind you of some times from your relationship, some good memories, and that’s the last thing you need right now. 

If you can’t avoid them, then don’t talk about him in their company. Just like they would talk to you about him, they would also talk to him about you.

Don’t allow them to see how miserable you feel. Whatever you do and however you feel, you must not tell them that you still miss him and can’t do anything about it.

Don’t allow yourself to look pathetic because they will probably tell him that. 

Maybe he still has feelings for you or he doesn’t want to see you suffer and he could ask you to get back together.

Trust me, you don’t want to do that as you’ll regret it sooner or later. He isn’t in love with you anymore, he would do it only out of pity. 

If your mutual friends are the only friends you have, then go out and meet new ones. Actually, this could be a great opportunity to meet new people and make new friendships. 

Those new friends can be very helpful in these kinds of situations. They won’t ask questions about your past and you’ll feel more relaxed and comfortable hanging out with them. 

9. Learn the art of letting go

woman in black dress standing in forest looking at mountain

The first thing you need to do is let him go for real. After you firmly decide that it’s time to finally do that, you’ll immediately start missing him less

Stop holding on to the past. He left you, he went from your life and that’s it. You have to accept it and move on. 

I’ve been there. I know how much it hurts and believe me, it’s going to hurt for a while but your only option is to come to terms with the break-up and move on. 

You’ll need time, that’s for sure. You need time to figure out how you exactly feel. You need to be alone for a while. 

You have to organize your thoughts and feelings and think about your relationship and the break-up. Does that man really deserve to be missed so much? 

10. Don’t forget to take care of yourself

woman with eyes closed standing near wall

Okay, you’re allowed to spend the first day after the break-up in your pajamas, lying in your bed, surrounded by ice cream and chocolate. 

You’re hurt and you’re missing your loved one. You have every right to cry so cry your heart out; it’ll make you feel better. 

Don’t bottle up your emotions. Share them with your best friend or the family member you trust the most. Don’t shut yourself off as it affects your emotional well-being and mental health

After some time, you have to tell yourself that it’s enough. You cried enough and now you have to snap out of it and pay attention to yourself. 

It’s time to think about yourself. It’s time to make self-care your priority so take care of yourself. Self-care is the first step to self-love and self-acceptance. 

First, you have to relax and the best way to do that is by taking a long, relaxing bath. Prepare yourself a bubble bath with some calming essential oils.

Put on some relaxing music, light some candles and don’t forget to pour yourself a glass of your favorite wine. This kind of bath will lift up your mood for sure. 

Treat yourself. Go shopping and buy some new clothes. Try some new face masks. Change your hairstyle or try a new haircut or hair color. Have a complete makeover. 

Then go out. Make him regret leaving you. Show him that it was the worst decision of his life. Make him miss you.  

You’ll be noticed for sure. Not only by him but by other men. Soon, your Facebook and Instagram will be full of friend requests and messages. Who knows, maybe that’s how you’ll meet someone new. 

Give yourself a chance to meet someone new. Don’t be afraid to date again. A new love could help you forget your ex and that’s how you’ll stop missing him for sure.  

How To Deal With Missing Your Significant Other In A Long-Distance Relationship?

Being in a long-distance relationship is hard but if you love your partner, it’s totally worth it. Distance means nothing if you’re in love with that person. 

I won’t lie. There is nothing you can do to completely stop missing your significant other but here are some things you can try in order to deal with it in a more healthy way.  

1. Know that you won’t be in a long-distance relationship forever; it’ll change one day

man and woman hugging while standing near tree

Be positive as this is only a temporary situation. One day, you’ll be ready to make your relationship official and you won’t be in a long-distance relationship anymore.

You’ll be together every day. You’ll wake up next to your loved one every morning and fall asleep by his side every night. 

Everything will change, you just have to be patient and wait. Don’t put too much pressure on your partner or yourself because otherwise it’ll also affect your relationship. 

2. Realize that keeping in constant contact is a priority, even during fights

smiling woman using smartphone while sitting on bed

Even when you are very busy, you have to make time for your partner and vice versa. You have to be in constant contact with each other.

I don’t mean that you have to talk or chat 24/7 but you have to be in contact every day. 

You have to be aware that a long-distance relationship is all about hard work. If you really want to make it work, you have to fight for it.

I always say, thank God for technology! Keeping in constant contact, especially over video chats, will help you to ease the sting of missing them. 

3. Plan your next date

woman writing in notebook while sitting at table

I’m assuming you count the days when you’ll see your significant other again. Well, you can do more than that. 

Plan everything about the next time you’ll see each other. Plan some fun activities for you both, pick the restaurant where you’ll eat, choose the movie you’ll see at the cinema. 

Use every moment of your SO’s visit and leave nothing to chance. It’ll keep you busy so you won’t think much about how you’re missing them way too much. 

4. Hang out with your friends more

three smiling women sitting on bench holding glasses of beer

Being in the house counting down the days when you’ll finally see your SO and waiting for them to call you or text you won’t do you any good. 

You have to go out and spend some time with your friends. You have to distract yourself and hanging out with the people you love is a great way to do so. 

​​​​​​​They’ll find a way to cheer you up because that’s what friends are for. 

5. Find a new hobby or something that will distract you

woman exercising yoga on pink mat

You have to keep yourself busy and there are plenty of ways you can do so. Find a new hobby; for example, something you think you’d like and always wanted to try. 

Exercise more or start going to the gym. If you don’t like the gym, you can do yoga or meditation, as they have calming and relaxing effects, so one of these will also be great to help you deal with missing your SO. 

Don’t think too much about when you’ll next see your partner. Do the housework, do some gardening or you can always redecorate your house or your garden or find some DIY projects on the Internet. 

You can also make something for your SO and surprise them with a handmade gift the next time you see them.

6. Think about your future together

smiling woman in purple top touching her hair

As I already said, this is only a temporary situation and it’ll pass. You have to think about and focus on your future. 

Think about how you’ll start living together very soon. Think about the first time you’ll be buying something for your own place. Those days will come sooner than you think, I promise. 

Think about how proud you’ll be for both of you fighting for your relationship and overcoming so many challenges and obstacles. 

How To Ease The Pain Of Permanent Separation?

The death of a loved one is an awful experience, especially if you lose the love of your life. A huge loss leaves marks on your heart forever. 

No one can give you advice on how to stop missing someone who was taken away from you because the fact is you’ll never stop missing that person. 

However, you can ease the pain by giving yourself time to grieve and doing some things that will distract you from thinking about your loss. 

It’s important not to just listen to other people’s advice. We are all different and we all cope with the grief of loss differently. We all need time to heal and you have the right to take as much time as you need. 

You can ease the pain and after some time, you’ll start missing them less but the truth is that you’ll never stop completely missing them.

The right answer to the question of ‘how to stop missing someone who died?’ doesn’t exist unfortunately.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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