Getting over him

5 Signs He Doesn’t Deserve A Second Chance


Having your heart broken is one of the worst emotional pains you can go through.

You feel hopeless and all you want is to go back to this guy who caused you all of this hurt in the first place.

And he behaves like he wants you back too. But you simply don’t know what to do.

You are scared that you won’t be able to move on without this man by your side but at the same time, you are terrified he’ll hurt you all over again.

You are aware that things between the two of you didn’t work out for a reason but all you want to do is let him back in your life.

You feel like you’ve found yourself in a dead-end street and you don’t know what to do.

Of course, there are situations in which people deserve a second chance. But there are also times when you shouldn’t allow them to re-enter your life, no matter what.

Here are 5 signs your ex doesn’t deserve for you to give him a second chance under any circumstances.

It’s not the first time he has done this

worried woman sitting on the roof top

A second chance is only given to someone once and even then, it is not something you should easily hand out.

It is one thing if your boyfriend has always been this nice guy who made a foolish mistake once.

In this situation, his mistake can be seen as an exception and it is perfectly normal for you to reconsider giving him a second chance.

But if you’ve given numerous ‘second’ chances to this guy but he keeps doing the same things that bother you over and over again, it is more than obvious that he doesn’t deserve any more of your time and attention.

He doesn’t keep his promises

couple arguing in the living room

One of the signs that you shouldn’t even consider taking your ex back is the fact that he never keeps his promises.

Although you really want him to change, deep down you know that this guy is not trustworthy.

For as long as you can remember, he’s been giving you false promises and telling you everything you want to hear.

But he never kept any one of those promises. You don’t know whether he intentionally lies to you just to keep you around or if he is simply not reliable.

Either way, what makes you think that this time would be different?

Why do you think he is someone who deserves a second chance from you, when it’s probable that he’ll make you all the promises in the world but won’t keep any of them?

He isn’t really sorry

serious man looking at distance

When someone is really remorseful and ready to change, your gut is telling you that he is being sincere.

In the same way, your intuition will tell you if this guy is just leading you on and if he wants for you to think he is really sorry.

I know that you want to believe in his good intentions for you but is he really showing remorse and taking responsibility for his actions or is he just telling you what you want to hear?

Is he going out of his way just to get your forgiveness or are you the one making excuses for his behavior, because you want to justify it?

When a man is really sorry and doesn’t want to make the same mistakes all over again, he will do whatever it takes just so you forgive him.

Let’s face it—if he wants to be with you, he’ll chase you to the end of the world just to make it happen.

But on the other hand, if a guy is not ready to be accountable for his own actions, he definitely doesn’t deserve a second chance.

It only means that he doesn’t care enough about winning you over, that he is not aware of the things he’s done to you or that he is perfectly aware of everything but just doesn’t care enough to deal with it.

He doesn’t take you seriously anymore

sad woman sitting apart from man

If you are one of these girls who keep giving out dozens of second chances whenever her boyfriend screws something up, the harsh truth is that he stopped taking you seriously ages ago.

If this is the case with you and your boyfriend, let me tell you that he doesn’t have any intention of changing, no matter what he says.

He knows you very well and knows what it is that you need to hear in order to let him back in your life.

You keep threatening that this is the last time you are letting him back in your life and that you’ll leave him for good if he doesn’t change his behavior and treatment of you but he knows very well that you won’t back your words with actions.

So I am sorry to be the one to break it to you but this guy takes you for a fool.

He thinks he can do whatever he wants and knows you’ll always be there waiting for him.

Your empty words don’t really scare him and you aren’t accomplishing a thing.

You can’t forget what he did

sad woman sitting on the chair

If you think about giving your boyfriend a second chance, you need to know that forgetting and forgiving are two completely different things.

Although forgiving someone for the harm he’s done to you is hard and challenging, forgetting is even more difficult.

One of the biggest mistakes you could make in a relationship is convincing yourself that you’ve forgiven or forgotten about something that still haunts you.

I know you probably miss this guy and that you still love him but taking him back won’t change a lot, especially if you know that you will be holding grudges and that resentment and bitterness will become a part of you and your relationship.

In this case, it’s better not to give him another chance, because you obviously can’t move on from the things he did to you and the two of you will never have a stable, healthy relationship in those kinds of circumstances.


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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