Getting over him

How Long Does A Crush Last? And 10 Ways To Successfully Get Over It


Infatuation and true love are two vastly different terms.

Infatuation (also known as a crush) usually lasts for around four months and it’s nothing but acts of projection and idealization.

When someone develops intense feelings for someone they don’t really know, those feelings differ from romantic love as they’re based on romanticizing someone you don’t know.

You’ve probably read on social media and various websites that a romantic crush generally lasts up to four months.

If said crush turns into a long-term relationship after that period of time, then we can talk about something other than pure fantasizing that resembles a healthy relationship.

smiling woman texting to her crush

A committed relationship isn’t based on a racing heart, sweaty palms and spending a ridiculous amount of time on a never-ending daydream about your best friend since high-school.

That’s what experts would label a romantic crush.

If you have a crush that so far hasn’t turned into a real-life love story and you’re desperate for it to go away since it clearly isn’t going to become anything real, you’re in the right place.

In everyday life, it’s a perfectly normal occurrence to develop a crush on a person who has caught your eye.

Heck, last year I had a turbulent experience with an insane crush that took me many months to recuperate from.

woman curiously watching man at table

I kept waiting for him to realize that I was the right person and to tell me, ”I love you,” but all I got was a cold shoulder and having to Google ways to get over a crush that is ruining your life.

I’m here to help you feel better about your unfortunate situation.

Crushes are all part of a healthy human experience and everyone has them!

Infatuation can be a real b**** sometimes.

man and woman outside on coffe time

It turns your life upside down, makes you develop intense feelings about someone who doesn’t even notice you and ultimately breaks your heart.

Fantasizing about unattainable people is a common occurrence, no matter how grown-up you are.

No one is immune to feelings and emotions but don’t let it ruin your mental health though.

Just because your infatuation doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, it doesn’t mean you need to go down the drain with it.

smiling woman looking at laptop screen

Life goes on. Crushes wither and true love always ends up finding its way back to you!

Here’s a step-by-step guide on getting over an intense crush and keeping your head sane!

See also: How To Know If A Guy Likes You For Sure: 12 Signs He’s Totally Into You!

How To Get Over An Intense Crush?

desperate woman lying on bed in pajamas

Here, I’ll provide you with some personal experience that helped me get over a really intense crush that turned my life upside down last year.

Believing it could turn into romantic love, I made my own life hell by fantasizing about a guy who barely acknowledged my existence.

A long-term relationship is what everyone aspires to attain but on our journey through life, we’ll encounter crushes and feelings of deep infatuation that will take us for a spin and leave us forever changed.

This is how you land on your feet and put an end to your idealization of someone you have no future with.

What do you really like about them?

woman courisly looking man at coffebar

Okay, so it’s clear that this person has caught your eye and you’ve developed intense feelings of infatuation toward them.

But what is it that you actually find so appealing about them? Once you get yourself to look at your idealization from a rational perspective, you’ll see the actual chances of your crush becoming a real-life true love.

When we fantasize about people, we don’t see them for who they really are but for who we picture them to be.

So the connection you’ve created in your head is just that—imaginary.

woman lying on bed at home and thinking

If you have a crush, chances are it’s unlikely to turn into a real thing because there’s no basis for that relationship to work.

If there was, you’d have done something about it already, don’t you think?

Romantic crushes tend to get the best of us no matter how mature we are.

But after the initial few months, you have to start seeing them for who they really are, which is how you realize that they’re just as flawed as any other human being.

Treat it like the end of a relationship

woman leaving man and he looks unhappy

Obviously, you didn’t actually date but this is one plausible way to get closure without ever having had a healthy relationship with them.

Act as if you just ended a long-term relationship with this person.

After all, you did spend a significant amount of time emotionally invested in your romantic crush.

So take your time to get over it.

How do you normally recuperate after a break-up?

Do you go shopping, watch romantic comedies, listen to Coldplay?

Whatever gets you there, do it. Cry your eyes out, talk to your best friends and get it all out.

happy woman looking at shoes while shoppinh

Take the amount of time you’d normally need for an actual break-up, and heal at your own pace.

Nobody is going to judge you.

You’re entitled to your emotions and nobody can take that away from you.

Infatuation is a tricky thing, especially if we convince our mind to cooperate into believing that it’s romantic love.

One piece of advice: steer clear of his social media.

If you want this crush to end, you don’t need to be reminded of how attractive he is on a daily basis.

See also: 3-Month Relationship: 12 Changes That Are Bound To Happen (And 7 Red Flags)

Put some quality distance between you two

man and woman distanced standing in front of building

You’ll never get over your crush if you keep seeing them everywhere.

Sometimes it can be hard to avoid certain people if you’re in the same social circle or attend the same classes.

But what you can do is sit as far away from them as possible and choose not to engage in any type of conversation with them.

You can’t tell them where to go or what to do but you can affect where you go and what you do.

If you know that they frequent a certain bar, change your scene.

woman walking on sidewalk with a bag

If you know which crew they hang around, steer clear of them.

At least for a little while, to let your crush wear off. Also, who knows.

Maybe if you distance yourself enough, you’ll see your crush turn into just somebody you used to know but don’t care about anymore.

Where there’s a will, there’s a freaking way.

No social media stalking

depressed woman sitting at bed and looking at her phone

I’ve already casually mentioned this but it bears repeating.

Under no circumstances are you allowed to stalk your crush on social media.

It is completely counterproductive and it will make it impossible for you to get over him.

You don’t have to go so far as to delete them from all your social media accounts.

Hiding them is perfectly fine.

Hide their Instagram stories, too!

That way, you won’t be privy to what they do every day and you’ll be able to go about your day uninterrupted.

This is all in your hands.

angry woman looking at her phone screen

Your idealization has got you this far and it’s up to you to make it stop and find the right person who’ll actually become part of your life.

Romantic love is so much better than pure infatuation.

Just imagine how fulfilling it’s going to be when you finally stumble upon a person who’ll reciprocate your feelings and won’t make you feel like your mental health is deteriorating.

True love will be worth it. Just you wait.

See also: How To Start Dating Again: 15 Tips To Get Back In The Game

No updates on their life

woman walking with friend and looking back at guy on sreet

If your crush has lasted for more than a few months, it’s going to be a bit more challenging to get over them so it’s vital that you pay attention to every single step.

And no skipping! One of those steps is zero updates on their life.

No asking your mutual friends about them.

Don’t ask your best friends to find out whatever they can in secret and then inform you.

Stop wanting to know what’s going on in their life if your end goal is to erase them from yours.

desperate young girl looking at her phone

By constantly asking how they are, what they’re doing and who they’re seeing, you’re getting deeper into the intricate web of infatuation, which is precisely what you’ve been trying so hard to avoid.

Love yourself enough to know when enough is enough.

They don’t love you, you don’t love them and if you got to know them on a deeper level, you’d probably see that there’s nothing there in the first place.

So stop caring about how they are and start worrying about how you want to be.

Be real with yourself

thoughtful girl sitting on char and looking at window

Maybe you made a move and got rejected.

Maybe you never tried anything and it’s simply been too long and it’s time to move on.

Whatever your reality is, accept it and embrace it.

You can deceive everyone around you but you can’t lie to yourself.

If there was ever a chance for your crush to develop into something serious, you’d already have done something about it.

And even if you got rejected, so what? You tried your best and it didn’t work out.

upset woman hug pillow at home

All you can do in life is go after what you want, knowing that you gave it your all.

That is all anybody can do.

And now it’s time to admit defeat and turn over a new leaf.

Your true love is out there somewhere, wondering the same thing you are.

Don’t you want to know what awaits you? Aren’t you the least bit curious to see what else is out there?

The world is yours for the taking.

woman lying on her hand and watching lake

Take a leap of faith and explore what it has to offer.

Crushes come and go but when real romantic love finds you, it’ll make you feel everything your crush never could and then some.

See also: The Ultimate List Of Couple Goals For The Happiest Relationships

Know that it will suck for a while

sad woman sitting on bed in front of mirror

But that’s okay. As long as you’re ready to truly heal, you’re ready to go through the motions.

You know how break-ups can suck, right? Well, this is similar.

You’re mourning over something that never was but could’ve been something real.

Now that you’re counting your losses, it’s important that this horrible feeling doesn’t discourage you from falling in love ever again.

Every time you get over something, you get a little bit stronger and more equipped to deal with the next thing.

While you’re suffering, remind yourself of all your past heartbreaks and how you got over every single one of them, even though you were sure that you wouldn’t be able to.

readhead woman looking herself in broken mirror

In times of great sorrow is when we see our real strength.

And right now, you’re not aware of how capable you really are.

In a few weeks you’ll be looking at this with a smile on your face, knowing how foolish it was to think you couldn’t do this.

You can do anything you set your mind to and never stop proving that to yourself.

Go out and meet new people

friends at coffe bar having positive conversation

Bonus points if those people are in no way connected to your crush! I’m not suggesting that you jump right back into a new intense crush.

All I’m saying is that the best way to get over something is by surrounding yourself with good people.

Never forget about your old friends but always aim to meet new faces.

You never know who you may end up meeting.

People need people; that’s a fact.

And by giving new faces a chance to prove their worth, you’re opening up your heart and discovering new depths of your ability to love.

two girl hug with hands up in nature

And do you know what else it means?

Less time for you to dwell on your crush! That’s right.

You won’t even realize thi, but once you start mingling and having fun, it’ll just dawn on you that it has been a few straight hours without them entering your mind.

And that’s how you heal and move forward.

No sitting around the house and dwelling on something that never was but by picking yourself up and choosing life over misery!

See also: Should I Block My Ex? These 10 Realizations Will Help You Decide

Find new fulfilling hobbies

blonde girl sitting and painting on table

For me, it’s the gym.

I can’t even tell you how much it saved my soul and preserved my sanity.

In my times of struggle, I turn to the gym.

It helps get it all out of my system and preoccupy myself with something healthy while providing me with both mental and physical strength!

It’s beyond helpful for dealing with any type of stress and I cannot recommend it enough.

On the other hand, if it’s really not your thing, no worries, there are plenty of amazing hobbies you can choose from that will successfully distract you from real life.

two girls working out at gym

If you’re into sports, join a team! If you love to sing, join a choir! If you’re into artistic things, explore your options there.

There are so many possibilities and they are just waiting for you to discover them!

Don’t be too lazy to get up off your booty and find your passion.

Once you get going, you won’t be able to stop.

It makes you proactive, distracts you from your issues and helps you meet new people.

So many wins, so what are you waiting for?

Flirt your way to a new romantic interest

young happy woman standing on street with phone

Once you’ve taken all the aforementioned steps, you’ll finally be ready to get back into the dating scene and get your flirt on!

Clearly, this is the last of the necessary steps for true closure that will make it easier for you to find yourself again.

Now that you’ve gained back your confidence and preoccupied yourself with new proactive things, it’s time to give your ego a necessary boost.

Remind yourself that you’re a catch.

positive best friends having good time on beach

Get your best friend and go out with the purpose of flirting shamelessly with every hot stranger you meet.

It’ll give you that push in the right direction and help you see that there is so much potential out there!

Some innocent flirting is the best cure for a broken heart and it doesn’t have to amount to anything unless you want it to.

So, if you’re ready and willing, I think it’s time to put your dancing shoes back on and go get yourself back to the old you!

Where There’s A Will…

There’s most certainly a way!

Infatuation is not something one should take lightly, as it puts you through the emotional turmoil of a real relationship at times.

But if you’re adamant to get yourself out of your spunk, you’re sure able to heal as if it never happened in the first place.

All it takes is a little bit of will and some effort.

portrait of smiling woman with hat on sun

Nobody said it was easy (just ask Coldplay) but it doesn’t mean that it’s not worth it.

Everything that’s valuable and precious in life comes at a certain cost.

Sometimes you’ll end up broken-hearted but it’ll teach you a lot of lessons and make you that much stronger.

When you catch intense feelings for someone, there’s no other way than fighting right through them.

And when you get to the finish line, you’ll see just how strong, capable and fabulous you are.

Don’t believe me? Just watch.

In a few short weeks, you’ll be a new person and your crush will be nothing but a thing of the past.

See also: What I Love About You: A List Of 100 Reasons Why I Love You


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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