Getting over him

How To Get Closure When Your Ex Refuses To Talk To You


At the end of one story, you’d think that you at least deserve an explanation as to why things ended up the way they did.

And you ask yourself, “After all I gave him, did I deserve to go through the silent treatment? Why doesn’t he want to talk to me?” And then the more he doesn’t want to talk to you, the more you feel like you need closure.

It’s kind of natural for us humans to seek closure. It’s kind of normal for us to want to end one story and to be able to wrap our head around why some things ended the way they did.

We just need to know why something happens, but the problem comes when this one person who is able to give you an explanation doesn’t actually want to talk to you.

So, what do you do when your ex won’t talk to you?

When your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, it’s time for you to start realizing certain things.

Firstly, you’re going after someone who thinks you don’t deserve a simple explanation.

You’re going after someone who wants you to be the last one to let go so that he could be able to say he was the one who cared less. Obviously, that’s something he’s proud of.

Secondly, you’ll be clinging to your past if you continue to seek closure from a person who actually isn’t willing to give you any.

You’ll appear as a crazy girl who’s desperately wanting to hear from her ex-boyfriend. You’ll appear as a girl who comes up with all kinds of excuses just to talk to her ex.

You’ll obsess over whether he’s just pretending to be over you.

Lastly, you need to stop looking for closure in the wrong places. Your peace is more important than the need to hear what went wrong from someone who bailed on you.

beautiful young brunette touching her hair closed eyes

From someone who had no decency to fight for and put enough effort into this one person who actually loved him.

Remember, you’re the only one who needs closure. So if you’re the only one who needs it, then you’re only who can give you it.

What I’m trying to say is that you’ll need to be the one to close the doors on a failed relationship. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but because the doors otherwise simply lead nowhere.

Even if you deserve an explanation, this doesn’t mean you’re actually going to get one. The worst thing you can do is let the unfinished stories of the past stop you from living your life.

The worst thing you could do is to let the past interfere with your future.

The best revenge is to move on, get over it and continue to succeed. Never give someone the satisfaction of watching you suffer.

Looking for closure from a person who doesn’t want to talk to you is a joke. The only apology you need is the one you owe yourself for staying as long as you did.

The only conversation you need to have is with you and the only person you need to see again is the person in the mirror.

No one likes to be ignored, and no one likes to not get answers to their questions. But what you have to learn is that any answer you are so desperate to get won’t change anything, and it may or may not be the truth anyway.

The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation and unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.

1. Acknowledge that you did all you could

Photo of woman with black hat leaning on brown tableWhat’s done is done. If your ex doesn’t want to talk to you, then stop chasing after him. Stop wanting him to do anything. Remember that you did all you could but even that wasn’t enough.

At the end of the day, remember what you deserve and that usually the things that come to an end were never meant to be in the first place.


2. Think about what you deserve

sad thoughtful woman sitting beside sea

Always know that you deserve much more than a man who doesn’t pick up the phone when you call.

You deserve a man who’ll respect your feelings even when your story comes to an end.

You don’t deserve someone who’ll you’ll need to chase so if he isn’t ready to give you what you need, let him go.

Find what you need somewhere else, find your closure in yourself.

3. Forget about his validation

Beautiful young woman in trench using her mobile phone

You don’t need him to give you closure so that you’d be able to validate your relationship.

What happened was real, you should be able to realize this at least based on the pain you’re feeling now.

What happened is written all over your heart and no last words from a man will be able to change that.

Related: How To Get Revenge On Your Ex: 12 Proven Ways To Do So

4. Think about what kind of person you want to be with

brunette woman sitting at home looks thoughtful

When you think about it, you’ll see that the person you want to be with has a completely different personality to the one you’ve been with. And this should help you to get your closure.

Because you’ll see that not only will you not be wanting a new start with the person who already hurt you once, but that you should be the one cutting all the strings.

5. Forgive yourself and forgive him

Portrait of beautiful pensive woman relaxing on windowsill

The hardest part is to forgive him for all the pain you’ve been through. But sometimes that’s the only thing that will help you move on.

Forgive him for treating you the way he did. Forgive yourself for how long you’ve been holding onto something that was just breaking you. But don’t ever forget.

Keep what you’ve been through at the back of your mind so you have something to remind you about the hell you’ve been through once he reaches out to you again.

And how to know if he really is going to try to come back into your life again? Well, because they always do.

Related: Does He Miss Me Now That I Have Left Him Alone?

6. Move on

Beautiful young lady with long hair and cute dress on the street

Always try to think about those things that you’re grateful for in your life. Learn to stop holding onto negativity once it walks out of your life.

Cut ties with everything that reminds you of bad days or that remind you of the people who hurt you. And, most importantly, have patience.

Give yourself time to heal and to get used to that one chapter of your life that has finished.



Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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