Getting over him

5 Reasons Why You’re Still Chasing Him Even Though You Know You Shouldn’t


You’re not stupid or foolish. You know that this guy isn’t worthy of your attention and you’re aware that he doesn’t deserve you giving him a single thought, let alone something more.

You know that he is good for nothing. You know that he doesn’t treat you right and that you shouldn’t look at him, even if he was the last man in the world.

However, despite all of this, you can’t seem to get yourself to stop chasing him. Why is that so?

1. Deep down, you hope he’ll change

woman thinking while holding a cup of coffee in sports wear

Even though you keep telling everyone that you’ve lost all hope that this guy will become the man you deserve him to be, the truth is actually quite different.

Even though you keep convincing yourself that you’ve finally accepted that this guy will never come to his senses, the fact is that you still expect a miracle.

Deep down, hidden beneath the surface and the face you present to the rest of the world, there is actually a lot of hope.

Whether you like to admit it or not, the truth is that a part of your being still thinks that this man will eventually change.

Naturally, you want to be there when it happens.

You keep giving him ‘one last chance’ because you think that he is almost there, that he is about to start treating you right and that he is about to see that you’re the woman for him.

2. You assume that you’ll be the one who will save him

troubled couple sitting inside living room woman touching the man

Another reason why most women continue chasing the men they know they shouldn’t is the fact that they want to save them.

You see yourself as this wonder woman who can help this man with all of his problems. You think you’re the only one who can cure his emotional instability.

The one who can break down all of the walls around his heart and open his soul to love.

At the end of the day, you’re not leaving him for good because you don’t want to give up on him.

You refuse to walk away from him because deep down, you don’t see him as a toxic man who plays with you.

Instead, you see him as a lost soul who needs your guidance. You refuse to let him be because you think that he couldn’t make it without you and that his well-being has become your responsibility.

3. You’re scared of ending up alone

woman on the cellphone calling while sitting on the floor near the window

As crazy as this might sound, the undeniable fact is that this man has become your comfort zone. You’ve gotten used to running after him.

Therefore, you don’t know what you would do with yourself if he wasn’t around. After all, the breadcrumbs of his love and affection are way better than not having anyone.

You might not see it but the truth is that you’re terrified of ending up alone. So, it’s better to have half of a man than no man at all, right?

Well, if you think this way, it’s time to reconsider your attitude. If you’re honest, you’ll admit that you’re more than alone next to this man.

So, what crucial changes would you actually feel in your life if you got rid of him? What would be different?

Trust me—you don’t have him and you’re already alone and single.

4. You’re sorry for all that time you’ve wasted on him

woman sitting in the rocks leaning on a rock wall near a body of water

You’ve been chasing this guy for as long as you can remember. You’ve invested all of your energy and patience into him.

You’ve wasted months or even years of your life on him. You’ve put so much effort into this quasi-relationship.

So, now, you don’t want to give up when you think you’re so close to the finish line. You want to have your way, after all the sacrifices you’ve made to finally have him as your boyfriend.

Well, let me tell you one thing—it’s much better to throw away all this time you’ve wasted until now than to continue wasting more days and weeks of your life.

Besides, this entire experience taught you some new painful but valuable life lessons. Look at it as a period of time in which you had the opportunity to learn instead of time spent in vain.

5. There is nobody better around

silhouette of woman in a sideview with light from the sun coming thru

Finally, you keep on chasing this guy because you are convinced that all men are the same.

Even if you decide to give a new man a shot, he’ll also end up hurting you and breaking your heart so why wouldn’t you just stay next to this douchebag?

After all, it’s always better to stick to your enemies than to allow new friends into your life, who will also end up becoming your enemies.

You know the essence of this man’s being. You know what you can expect of him and you don’t want to bother with someone you have no clue about.

Well, let me tell you that you think this way because you never really gave someone else a chance. You can’t know what will happen until you try, can you?


Category: Getting over him

Roberta Carroll

My approach is eclectic and holistic with a focus on mindfulness. I have received certifications in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Processing Therapy (trauma), among others. I spent over 10 years at the Veteran’s Administration in Louisville, KY, working as a psychotherapist with veterans of all ages and genders on a wide variety of issues. Prior to that my focus was on young adults and their families and older adults dealing with loss. Individuals have met with me for help to address depression and anxiety, grief, trauma and relational issues as well as work-related/everyday stressors. The therapeutic process provides a safe place for the client, in collaboration with their therapist, to process distress, discover areas of “stuckness” and move forward into a life of increased meaning and joy. Accepting our imperfections and practicing self-compassion can be a difficult as well as rewarding process. I have lived and worked in different areas of the country, have come to understand how regional differences affect our outlooks and appreciate the contrasts. I have relished the opportunity to assist clients as they carry the burdens of life. It would be my privilege to hear your story.

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